gravity: bullock is better with a bomb on the bus
Alfonso Cuarón’s 3D space odyssey is 90 minutes of Sandra Bullock and George Clooney playing astronauts, and it looks like it’s this year’s Life of Pi. For that film I wrote a review titled ‘I’ll just have the pie, thanks’.
The critics are raving about this film (so they’re more “excessively complimentary people” than critics) yet I could not find one minute in the 90 that I enjoyed or could summon any raving for.
If you think seeing Sandra Bullock spinning in space while gasping for a good 60 of those minutes is “gripping”, then you’ll love Gravity. When she’s not depleting the oxygen in her NASA suit, she’s engaged in some over-scripted diatribe with George, barking like a dog, or floating about abandoned space stations in hot pants.
Both characters were underdeveloped. George is a smarmy too-good-looking astronerd with one too many one-liners, while Ms Congeniality hovers between annoying gaspy woman to [quickly insert emotional backstory here] mother and all-round amazing astrolass. I seriously didn’t care if they lived or died – I’d run out of popcorn and the people behind me were getting shitty with my ga-fumphing and full-body eye rolling.
I’ve spent the first 200 words being all negative and whingey-pants about this waste of filmic space, sp I better think of something nice to say.
I can’t, so here’s some nice stuff other people said:
‘It’s a technical marvel – appropriately breathtaking in its evocation of space’s vastness.’ – Sandra Hall, The Sydney Morning Herald.
‘It is an amazing experience. It is 90 minutes of sweaty palms.’ – Margaret Pomeranz.
‘Joking, funny, and there was even some well deserved sexual tension in space. I liked the movie.’ – Vince Mancini (an actual rocket scientist).
Gravity – a film for people who enjoy heaving breathing and an hour and a half of fairly decent special effects. Or what I like to call ‘90 minutes of my life I’ll never get back’.
Half a dead star. This film gets zero gravity from me.
Have you seen the film? What did you think?