There’s just something about my Marc by Marc Jacobs sunglasses that makes me feel amazing. When I’m hidden behind those big lenses, I feel glamorous and mysterious and nothing else really seems to matter. I don’t care if my legs are too white or my hair is kind of dirty. It doesn’t matter that I’m wearing the same skinny jeans and blazer I wear every day, or that my flats are falling apart and don’t really match my outfit anyway. I slick on some red lipstick and shield my eyes with those big glasses and I’m convinced that I’m Holly Golightly.
And the funny thing is, I think that kind of false-assurance tricks other people into thinking I’m more beautiful and important and sophisticated as well. People glance at me differently, and the more I notice it, the more I adopt that ‘I’m so chic, I don’t care what you think’ sort of attitude. It’s so far removed from how I actual feel in real life most days that its actually kind of makes me laugh, but it also makes me feel wonderful, so who cares.
I mean, it’s probably not that Marc Jacobs has designed sunglasses with magical powers. Really, I think I’m just finally experiencing what Elizabeth Wurtzel talks about in The Bitch Rules (her wonderfully sharp and exhilarating take on the infamous ’90s self-help dating book The Rules): feeling more beautiful than you are, and making other people believe it as a result.
I have the biggest girl crush on Elizabeth Wurtzel, because she’s just about one of the coolest people in the world. But anyway, one of her rules is “be gorgeous.” Pretty and beautiful, she says, are things that some lucky people are born with, but that are almost impossible to acquire if you weren’t. Gorgeous, though, is something else. Our gorgeousness comes from believing that we’re amazing, exquisite creatures. “If that doesn’t make sense to you,” she says, “feel free to borrow my belief: I myself believe I am about ten times prettier than I actually am. By dint of sheer will-power, I have managed to convince many people of this.”
The trouble though, is how you can get yourself to believe it. Obviously. It can be irritating as hell when people tell you to “just be more confident”, because if it was that easy I would have done it a long time ago. Nobody chooses to be a cripplingly insecure maniac like I am most of the time. I don’t choose to feel miserable when I look in the mirror, or get nervous when I speak to people. It’s just the way I am, and although I do spend hours in therapy trying to work on the “real” problems at the root of it all, to a large extent it’s kind of just how life is.
So for now, until I become the type of person who doesn’t let changing room mirrors or overheard bitchy comments or boys not returning their calls get them down, I need little tricks to help me. I don’t think it even matters how superficial it is- as long as it works. It would be great if I could magically feel confident just because I know I’m an awesome person, but that can be pretty hard to do. But when I put on those Marc by Marc Jacobs sunglasses, it becomes a little easier- so for now, that’s just what I’m going to do.
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