love out loud: my name is dunja and i’m a bore-a-holic
My friend, Lady Charles Spaniel, told me last night that sometimes she sees a dog rolling in the grass and wishes she could be that happy.
‘It’s so simple and they’re so happy. I want to be that happy just from rolling in the grass.’
Of all my relationships, the one I have with Julio has been (by a rather wide margin) the least problematic. I don’t really have that much to say about it because it is simple and easy. And yet, I’ve been warding off accusations that I’ve become boring since I started dating him, presumably because I now spend more time watching Californication and sharing injokes about llama worms than I do getting plastered at a hipster-filled watering hole (this is also because the timing of our relationship has coincided with my last semester at uni, and my taking on a few more writerly commitments; this isn’t something I feel I should have to justify generally, but this is a feminist website and thus I wouldn’t want to give off the impression that I’ve lost my life and/or sense of self to a partner).
What I’ve realised is that having a simple relationship doesn’t inherently mean it’s boring. From the outside, it probably does seem this way and my preference to do things that aren’t seen to be as exciting as partying likely does appear rather bland. But in the past, I’ve often had to look to more grand gestures sheerly for a way to justify being in a relationship because of all the other shit that was going on, and I can confidently say that getting excited every time I hear Julio’s key in my front door is far preferable to waiting for a big show of love/like/whatever to make me forget everything that’s happened since the last one.
Ultimately, this is all dependent both on the individual and the individual couple. Personally, I’ve found that a more calm lifestyle, good sleeping habits and not having my weekends eroded by hangovers is more compatible with my current workload, but that doesn’t mean that I look down upon those who choose otherwise, no matter what their relationship status. For my part, I don’t feel the need to go out with the ‘ladies’ to assert that I’m an independent woman because I have a significant other. Rather, I let these different parts of my life collide in whatever way works.
After all, sometimes you just want to roll in the grass.
(Image credit: 1.)