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period pieces: a letter from my period

Period Pieces is upcoming Melbourne Fringe Festival comedian Loani Armans hilarious series on menstruation. Be sure to check Lip for new instalments every Wednesday.

Image via Wiki Commons (CC BY-SA 1.0)

Image via Wiki Commons (CC BY-SA 1.0)

 

Hey Loani,

Miss me? It feels like ages since I last saw you.

I heard you spent a lot of time with PMS when she was in town last month. Sounds like PMS was being difficult. Eeeek. I hope you’re OK? Did you arm yourself with cookies and a hot bath again?

Ovary and Ovary send their love. They’re still talking about changing their names. They like Charlie and Jane, or Kate and Steve. They’re so indecisive! I told them that if they don’t choose new names soon, I’m going to call them Bert and Ernie. I don’t think they liked the joke. :)

Uterus has been a quiet the last few days. I think she’s tense about Egg moving out again. You now what she’s like – she loves it when Egg comes to stay, but when Egg follows Lining’s lead and makes an exit, Uterus starts to feel lonely. She’ll be OK though. She knows how to build herself back up again.

Did you hear the amazing news about Hormones? She got a starring role in a new film! SO exciting. It’s all a bit hush-hush, but Hormones said that it’s Period Drama and that her role will let her show off her dramatic range.

As for me, I’ve been bloody busy (ha ha ha!) getting ready for my trip to see you. Only 14 days until I’m knocking at your vagina’s door. Not long now!!! Don’t worry about setting your period app. I’ll send Cramps, Migraines and Bloating along to remind you that I’m on the way.

I wish I could write more but I have to run. I’m having brunch with Vagina in half an hour. She wants to put in a leave application as she’s feeling burnt out from the heavy flow last month. I don’t think Cycle will be too happy if Vagina’s not around, though. You know how Cycle doesn’t like anything to interrupt her plans.

Never a dull moment around here!!

Sending love and see you soon.

- Period xox

 

Want to read more bloody good articles from Loani? Check out the rest of her Period Pieces here.

Loani Arman is a writer and comedian whose new stand up show, LOANI ARMAN: Period, opens at Melbourne Fringe on September 26. For more information, visit her Facebook page.

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