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love life: the booty call

 787px-Dialog_1966_grau - public domain

Upon the genesis of this column, I expressed my hesitance about writing a column of this sort. I was afraid my metaphorical pen would reveal too much about me or disclose secrets too dangerous to give away. Disclose too much indeed. I am afraid we have long since crossed that line and are now going even further. So, what is it I am going to talk about, you ask?

Every now and then, here at Love Life, we get curious little messages along the lines of: ‘You. Me. Tonight’, and, lo and behold, our interest is a little bit piqued – at least to begin with. To the uninitiated, this is what you call a “booty call”. I reproduce for you here my reply on my first receipt of such a message as an example of the self-possession and quiet maturity that bubbled within me:

Whaaaaat? Ummm. REALLY? Oh yes. Yes please. That would be amazing! Putting my sexy underwear on right this second. Oh my GOD.

It’s not all that bad now. My maturity has whizzed through the roof since then and my tact multiplied hundredfold but, back in the day (I am now ancient, toothless and wrinkled), one accepted many such propositions. Now one looks upon them with mild amusement as one ultimately finds them greatly unsatisfying, both physically and, of course, emotionally. As for the physical side, it is not a case of “bad sex”, as they say on the streets; it goes deeper than that (ooooer – excuse the pun). One has known what it is like to be little more than a body to someone, but now – at least for me – the physical side of sex cannot be without the emotional one. For me, these two things are inseparable. Chez Camilla, one does not get intimate without there being some kind of emotional connection first. One of the ways to avoid a booty call situation is to hold off on sex (within reason) until that emotional attachment exists; another is to clearly state that you don’t want something to just be a physical thing right from the beginning.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with the booty call per se. If you have one now and are enjoying it for what it is, enjoy it, by all means. (Consensual) sex is (mostly) fun, guys, duh! But if you ever feel yourself wanting more and that person cannot give it to you, get out. When a person is honest and says that they do not want a relationship with you then it is your responsibility to decide, as an adult, what you want. When a person says that they do not see it going anywhere, that is certainly not a cue for you to try harder or go to the booty call.  Never stake your happiness on the idea that the other person may be in denial. This is just another way of settling for a connection that you do not deserve. The solution that minimises the possibility that you will end up feeling hurt down the track is finding someone else who can better satisfy your needs. You must either be adult enough to have fun with someone in a casual way, knowing what it is, or have the courage and self-respect to go out there and find what you really want.

When you next receive a booty call, hopefully, it’ll be with this in mind. Let me know how it goes – with or without the dirty details.

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