A very good friend of mine is getting married this year. Another very good friend of mine got married a couple of years ago. What both these very good friends have in common? They’re fat. One more inbetweenie than the other, but still identifies as fat. What else they have in common? Both have been/were asked if they’re planning on losing weight for the wedding.
…What?
This … is a thing?
Is the groom asked this question? Does the groom worry about fitting into his suit? Looking like a star on their special day?
Having been to one wedding in my entire life (the aforementioned friend), I was honestly dumbfounded at the question.
One day. It’s … one day. You get in your pretty dress/suit/whatever you choose to wear and you say your vows in front of family and friends and you get married to the one you love (or at least a civil ceremony – thanks Australia!).
Why is what you weigh part of the equation?
Oh, that’s right. You’re a woman. You’re supposed to care about what size your wedding dress is. You’re supposed to worry about how fat you look, whether the corset sucks in all the right lumps and bumps, if your mascara is too thick, if your lipstick is too thin, if your hair is flopping, if your face is sweating. You must look perfect. It’s your special day. Anything less makes for bad photos, for bad memories.
Bullshit.
The aforementioned friend? Looked amazing. Her bright red dress? Beautiful. The moment she stood in dog poo? Hilarious.
The pressure to be perfect, to look perfect, to act perfect somehow seems to be exacerbated when one gets married. I understand it in a way – all eyes are going to be on you (oh, and your partner, don’t forget them) and you want the moment to be special.
But what is special? What is perfect?
Personally, I believe it is being with your family and your friends and the one you love. I don’t think it has to do with the outfit, the hair, the jewellery and especially not how many kilograms you lost before the Big Day.
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I think there is an unnecessary amount of pressure on women to look “perfect” on their big day, and it’s terrible the way these pressures continue to be perpetuated. Many gyms offer pre-wedding programs, specifically to cater to women who have been made to believe they need to look a certain way if they are to wear a white dress.
What I find most unsettling about the idea of losing weight specifically for your wedding day, is that clearly other factors – like health and fitness – are secondary to conforming to the stereotype of what is ‘appropriate.’
I completely agree. And I wonder about the amount of celebrity influence — we see in magazines so-and-so’s perfect white million dollar wedding, how Blah got a fabulous designer to make her one-of-a-kind gown etc etc etc.
I agree it is bullshit. I honestly have no memory of whether I worried about this for my wedding (all those years ago) I did worry about my weight but I don’t think I ever considered losing weight for my wedding. I think if it had been a few years later after I started getting into more online forums *cough* vogue *cough* I might have been concerned, which is a bit sad. But then I also wasn’t worried about having photos done (pre digital days), I never had any printed except for some happy snaps and I think that meant I was less worried as I didn’t feel like I was going to be in a big photo shoot. I was actually very resistant to lots of stuff, I refused to have professional make up and Mum had to talk me into having my hair done.
I definitely think the influence of certain online forums *cough* vogue *cough* can be negative in regards to losing weight and having the ‘perfect’ wedding. Considering the vast majority of posters are women (especially in wedding threads) and all seem to competing against each other for the best designer dress/shoes/bag/photographer etc etc.
I agree as well but you have to remember some women put that pressure on themselves without being told or expected to lose weight….I know of a few women that refuse to get married until they lose weight…in fact one of the managers at my work cancelled her wedding because she couldn’t budge the last few kilo’s….the only pressure she had on her was her own…to everyone else she looked fantastic…not a size 12 but a lovely sized 16.
So the pressure really goes both ways….yes, maybe these women are brain washed into feeling thin and beautiful for their big day but maybe just maybe some brain wash themselves..
food for thought…
I haven’t thought of these things this way before, and I’m glad it’s getting me thinking. I recently got married and I didn’t even think about it that much… and I guess the programs advertising weight lose programs before your wedding suggests that beauty on your wedding day means you need to look skinny? Not cool.
Having never been married or around that many weddings EVER, I was pretty clueless about the pressure. It wasn’t until a fair amount of friends started getting married and planning weddings that I even realised!
I’m glad you didn’t think about it and didn’t feel the pressure. Like there isn’t already enough with working out what to wear/whose side of the family to invite, venues etc etc etc.
Oh, I’m so glad I found this article!
I’m having my wedding dress made, and when the dressmaker phoned me way back in April or May 2011 to book me in for all of my fittings, one of the first things she asked me was: “And how’s your weight?” She must have sensed the awkwardness in my silence and followed that question up with, “Well what size are you? Will you be losing any weight for your wedding?”
I was dumbfounded and frankly, a little annoyed having to explain that, just like most people, my weight fluctuates. I remember thinking, “Do they actually ask every bride this question? Are they forecasting how much fabric they’ll need?” I didn’t get it! And I still don’t!
Planning a wedding is stressful enough without having to worry about getting to the gym every day to squeeze into a too-small gown. My wedding is now only a hop, skip and a month away and guess what? My weight is the last thing on my mind.
And you’re absolutely right – it’s one day! The “perfect” should be worked on for the marriage itself, not just the “big day”.