lip top 10: goddesses of love

Tlazolteotl, Aztec goddess

It’s coming, guys. That one day of year where every Facebook status is either a profession of love or a profession of love for the single life. Whether you love it, hate it or couldn’t give a flying hoot either way, you’re going to be hearing a lot about St. Valentine, Aphrodite and Venus on Thursday. For a bit of variety, here are a few other goddesses of love you may not have heard of.

1. Prende
Prende was a goddess worshiped by the ancient Illyrians and later on, Albanians. She was Christianised in the Middle Ages, becoming Saint Anne. She was also known as the queen of beauty. If anyone else knows a little more about her, feel free to chime in in the comments.

2. Astghik
A prehistoric Armenian goddess of love and fertility, Astghik became the goddess of maidenly beauty, water sources and springs in the heathen period. She is so revered that the annual Vartavar festival is held in her honour. Vartavar sounds like the funnest festival ever because you get to throw buckets of water on people. You can throw it on strangers, you can throw it off balconies, and I assume you could even get away with throwing water on the President.

3. Aine
Aine is the Irish goddess of love, fertility, summer, wealth and sovereignty. There are a few different myths surrounding her, but in all of them she kicks arse. In one myth, a semi-mythological king is said to have ravished her. She struck back by biting off his ear. In another, she exacts revenge on her rapist by turning him into a goose, killing him, or both. I really hope it was the goose; if she’d done that I’m sure feathers would fly. I just hope her craftsmanship wasn’t honky. Everyone would have had a gander.  He would have been on a wing and prayer. Okay, I’ll stop now. Anymore goose puns and you’ll have to duck for cover.

4. Turan
The Etruscan equivalent of Aphrodite (Greek) and Venus (Roman), Turan was the goddess of love, vitality, vegetation and the market. She was also a pretty popular lady. The Etruscan month of July was named after her, she had her own retinue and votive gifts inscribed with her name have been found.

5. Qetesh
Qetesh was a Canaanite goddess who was adopted into Egyptian mythology. She was the goddess of love, beauty and sexual pleasure. Fun fact: Qetesh was also the name of a Goa’uld in seasons 9 and 10 of Stargate SG-1.

6. Sjöfn
A Norse goddess, Sjöfn gets people to fall in love. She has a couple of methods – one is by serving a magical brew, and the other is to sing with her seductive voice. All I can say is that you’d have to be very trusting person to drink that brew.

7. Dzydzilelya
Dzydzilelya is the Slavic goddess of love and the ruler of love, marriage and sexuality. A bit like Prende, there isn’t much going out there on her.

8. Oshun
Oshun rules love, intimacy, beauty, wealth and diplomacy. She is from the religion of Yoruban people, which can be found over parts of Nigeria, Benin and Togo. She is also worshipped in Brazillian Candomblé Ketu and Cuban Santeria. Basically, she has adoring millions. If Lady Gaga gets wind of her I assume she’ll be declaring herself a modern day Oshun soon.

9. Rati
Rati is the Hindu goddess of love, lust, passion and sexual pleasure. Think the Kama Sutra, guys.

10. Tlazolteotl
Tlazolteotl was the Aztec goddess of many things. Lust was one, but she also reigned over sexual misdeeds, purification, steam baths, midwives and sin. She kept herself busy. It was also thought that she caused sexually transmitted infections, which can happen when you keep yourself busy.