(sex)uality: to text or to sext

On Monday, I managed to catch two news broadcasts on the radio. This is actually kind of notable considering that I a) only listen to the radio in my car, b) didn’t drive that much on Monday, and c) spend most of the time that I do spend listening to radio flicking between stations trying to resist the temptation to pierce my own eardrums.

But anyway, both of these news updates had items about the rise of sexting. I’m still not sure why this was newsworthy on this particular day, but the scandal surrounding teenagers sending saucy messages and photos to one another has been in the air for a while (as though we’re supposed to be surprised that adolescents are doing what they’re explicitly being told not to do).

I probably don’t need to tell you that women who engage in sexting are perceived differently to men who engage in sexting. This is pretty much the case for all heterosexual women when compared to heterosexual men, and applies pretty much across the spectrum of sexual activity and all its subsidiaries. Of course, this doesn’t mean that women (or men) should feel bound by what others will think and certainly, progress has never been made in any direction by people just doing what they’re told. I’m aware of this, and yet I’m also aware that this doesn’t mean every individual has to be a crusader or sign their own head away to a social chopping block.

This is similar to the way that I will write about women being judged for the number of sexual partners they’ve had, without writing about how many people I’ve had sex with. This isn’t because I feel I’ve done anything wrong, or like I should have to hide it, but because I’m aware of what people might think and how this might affect their judgment of me. I don’t believe that I should be subject to any kind of negative judgment, but I can’t control what people think. So, I control what information I give them instead.

This is the kind of thinking that should information a decision about participation in sexting or the sharing of raunchy images. It doesn’t matter whether you think you should or shouldn’t be judged for it, the fact is that you probably will be, and if this isn’t something you can or want to deal with, it’s safest to just not do it.

I’m not really into dictating what people should or shouldn’t do with their bodies, as long as it’s not hurting them or anyone else, and this is fundamentally where the concern is: it can hurt you. It’s not just about whether you can trust the intended recipient, but rather if you can be sure that this image/video/whatever will never be shared, even unintentionally. Can you be certain that they will never leave their phone on a kitchen counter for their housemate to pick up and search through? Do you know that their phone will never need repairs, and that whoever does said repairs won’t get bored and peruse the multimedia gallery? Are you certain that they don’t have some shitball friend who will find your “goods” and send it to everyone in the vicinity with a Bluetooth device? Can you trust every person who will ever come into contact with this person’s phone?

Of course not. This is why it still pays to protect yourself foremost, even while you’re protesting that it’s not a big deal (which, provided that you’re of age, it kind of isn’t) and shouldn’t be perceived differently based on whether it’s a female or a male doing it (which it shouldn’t be, regardless of age).

I’m not saying do it, I’m not saying don’t do it, but rather just think first about what part of yourself you want to display in what is potentially a public domain. Maybe a winky face is as saucy you want to get in your virtual exchanges with others, or maybe you decide that cropping your face out of a full frontal is adequate cover. Realistically, even if others do see such a photo, it all probably will blow over, but you can’t ever be sure that it’s disappeared altogether. And that’s really important to keep in mind, especially if you’re going to display your face or any tattoos/birthmarks/other distinctive features.

Still, if you’re planning on being a reality TV star, go for gold. It seems like it can only help.

(Image credit: 1.)