(sex)uality : STD shame, and why I think it’s stupid
In episode 2 of Girls, protagonist Hannah gets panicky about her vagina. Specifically, what might be happening inside it.
A firm believer in the use of condoms, Hannah is confident she has always had safe sex. But that doesn’t satisfy her paranoia – as she says repeatedly throughout the episode, ‘what about the stuff that gets up around the sides of condoms?’
Finally succumbing to the panic, she books herself in for her first STD check, and finds out that she has the HPV virus. Later, she meets up with her ex-boyfriend for what ends up being a less-than-happy reunion and mid-argument throws out the accusation ‘You gave me HPV!’ as a sort of trump card to ‘win’ the fight.
Don’t worry – this article isn’t going to be about the stuff that gets up around the sides of condoms. In fact, I’m not sure I really want to think about that ever (the insides of condoms in general is not a topic I want to dwell on too deeply). But what I do find interesting is Hannah’s response to having contracted an STD.
At first, she is stressed and focuses on the potential consequences of having the virus. Once she reassures herself that she’ll be fine, she immediately figures out where she got it, and then thinks to herself that she should tell her ex-boyfriend, so he can tell any of his current or past partners as well to get tested.
So far, so good. This all seems like standard, STD behaviour (pun intended).
The bit that gets me though is when she uses the fact of her infection as a kind of justification for why her ex-boyfriend is the worse person in their argument. The phrase ‘you gave me *insert STD here*’ implies fault, and is accusatory in nature.
Girls is not the first time this kind of reaction has cropped up, and I’m sure in some cases it’s warranted. For example, if you’re girlfriend/boyfriend has only been with you sexually (or claims to have been), and then gives you an STD, so the first time you learn of their infidelity is in a clinic, I feel like a hint of accusation is fair enough.
Generally though, I don’t feel comfortable with the concept of STDs as being a flaw in someone as a sexual partner, or a fault of theirs somehow. STDs happen. Sure, they can be avoided and certainly should be at all costs, but the stigma associated with STDs is a large factor in why sexual health is often ignored.
It is embarrassing to have an STD. Unlike other contagious diseases or infections, they’re considered dirty. They imply that you ‘sleep around’ or that you aren’t concerned with hygiene and safety when having sex. They imply that you’re a bad sexual egg.
To me, this is incredibly problematic. The more awkward people feel about STDs, the less likely they are to tell their sexual partner(s) that they have one, the less likely they are to get checked out, the less confident they’ll feel in requesting the use of condoms or other safe-sex measures.
STDs are sucky, frustrating, nasty afflictions. But at the end of the day, they should be more uncomfortable to have, than to talk about.
Shame is critical, it’s why people want to avoid acquiring them in the first place.
What about all the negative consequences, like infertility and death? What about how you could give these to anyone you sleep with, and many would not risk sleeping with you (unless you’re too aSHAMEd or too selfish to tell them). People would want to avoid getting them for those reasons too. Of course, shame is a factor, but it is also a factor in the spread of STDs, as the blogger has said in this blog post: “The more awkward people feel about STDs, the less likely they are to tell their sexual partner(s) that they have one, the less likely they are to get checked out, the less confident they’ll feel in requesting the use of condoms or other safe-sex measures.”
STD’s are way more common then what most people want to admit- its not until now that Im 30, that I have discovered how many people around me have in fact contracted a STD as growing up. Because there is such a stigma around STD’s I have encountered many young people too scared to even go get tested due to the “Shame” they feel for a) thinking they might have one, B) for letting themselves get one if discovered and c) for even thinking about it. I believe every new sexual partner each individual should go have a STD test- they are free and extremely confidential in most states. If you are always aware of the possibility because lets face it , catching a STD can be as easy as catching a common cold. People think they are being safe but prevention is not a cure. Unless your deliberately jumping into bed for un protected sex knowing you or the other is carrying a STD , i believe it is something people should feel more comfortable about talking about. Being young and growing up many things are daunting and hard to face, but if even the conversation of STD and STD awareness could be something of a more comfortable conversation then a shameful conversation, I don’t believe it would be such a controversial matter. I know recently it was said that the increase of Chlamydia in Adelaide between males and females aged between 16-24 has increased significantly in the past 12 months and they feel it is because younger people are too ashamed to discuss these topics amongst their peers, and because it was such a uncomfortable topic, males and females feel ashamed to talk about it because they think they are the only one with this STD.