Feminist, Fat, and Fabulous Blog: Not Hiding Anymore
I used to have reasonably long hair. From childhood up until grade 12, it never got shorter than my shoulder blades. It was something I hid behind.
I’d always been told that fat girls can’t have short hair. They need to have hair framing their faces. They need to have a little length. To hide the fat, I guess. And it was something I realised had been doing.
When I was 16, I wanted a change. I was hot, sick of the hair on my neck, and bored with the colour I was dying my hair (red). A couple of weeks before school started again, I wandered into a notoriously shoddy hairdresser (which were the only ones who would let me walk in. In hindsight, probably not the best idea.) and asked that they just cut it short.
They did.
I cried.
The mask was gone and there was my face, for all to see. I couldn’t hide. I couldn’t face it.
I spent the rest of the year trying to grow my hair. I dyed it black, I willed it longer. It took forever. I finally got to shoulder length when I was around 18. And then I started going shorter at the age of 20. Again.
Why? I found a hairdresser I loved and trusted. I stopped fighting my hair and its texture. I stopped hiding my face.
Last week, I did something I had been debating forever. Bored with my hair yet again, I went to the hairdresser I’ve been seeing for five years and asked for a pixie cut.
I got it. Boy did I get it.
At first, I had the same reaction I had nearly 10 years ago. A momentary freak out. But then, I realised, I look good with short hair. It suits me, my face, and my style. I don’t want to hide behind my hair.
In a way, I guess it’s a little bit of a ‘fuck you’ to that idea that fat girls can’t have short hair. It’s also a ‘fuck you’ to the idea that short hair is unfeminine, and not attractive (as my father told me when I came home that day). I think the fact that I have breasts, a vagina, and identify as a female bodied, feminine person contradicts that ideal heartily.
I now love my short hair. I’m not sure I’d ever go back to long. I might let it grow out a little for teeny tiny ponytails, but I’ll never let it get longer than my shoulder again. I’m tired of hiding.
AMEN Sista! I too cut y hair short recently and would love to go even shorter, I think fear is holding me back! I am a short curvy woman who is incredibly busy keeping up with 2 kids and a husband…I don’t have TIME to f*ck with my hair all the time! I love my hair short, I think I have a pretty face that gets hidden behind hair because it’s supposed to be feminine and better for fat girls to have more hair on top cuz we got so much of everything else everywhere else! Well I;m sick of hiding too and my husband will just have to deal with the fact that I am not into long flowing hair!!!! Thanks for the boost of confidence and support!
No worries! 🙂 Do it! I realised I love seeing all people with pixie cuts as well! Just because it’s so rare for a woman to have such short hair, so whenever I notice it I tend to have a little internal, “WOO.”