Feminist, Fat, and Fabulous Blog: Are You Really Going To Eat That?

“Are you really going to eat that?”

I’ve heard this before. Plenty of times. Chances are you’ve heard it before too. Fat, skinny, in-between, we’ve all probably heard this sentence at some time in our life. Directed at us, directed at the person at the next table. It isn’t an exclusively female question, but the vast majority of questioners and questioned are female.

“I’m going to be naughty!”

“I’ve slipped up on the diet!”

“I hate my thighs. If only I didn’t like sweets. Damn my sweet tooth!”

The female bonding session. The collective putting down of our bodies and what we choose to put in them. I’ve definitely been guilty of this. I’ve gone out to dinner with friends and not ordered dessert, even if I’ve felt like it. I’ve made the body small talk with acquaintances or office mates. I’ve whinged about the gym and the torture devices and told myself I’ll be good this week.

Why? Why do we do this? Why are we conditioned to do this? Why are we so judgemental of other people’s eating habits? Other people’s weight?

You haven’t seen a person in years? “Oh my god, you’ve lost weight!”

You go out to lunch? “Oh, I can’t eat that, I’m on a diet!”

Despite subscribing to the Health at Every Size philosophy and trying to practise intuitive eating, I still sometimes find myself slipping back into these old habits. Telling myself I’m being naughty or good this week. Ascribing moral judgements to food I and others consume. Complimenting a person on weight loss. I don’t want to do this and every time I catch myself doing it, I mentally slap myself.

I think one of the reasons I still slip up from time to time is the conditioning of my environment. I grew up in a family where you ate everything on the plate, regardless of whether you were full or not. I had to retrain my body to recognise that comfortable feeling, rather than that overstuffed, going to throw up feeling. I grew up in a family where my father turned to eating his feelings, and my sister was (still is) obsessed with the number on the scales. I grew up in a family where my mother thought every problem could be solved with food and it was a way to show love. It’s something that seeps into my consciousness. So, yeah, reconditioning myself is hard work.

I’ve said before, surrounding myself with positive people who are mostly happy with themselves and their weight helps. Reading positive books and listening to my body helps. Mentally slapping myself every time I slip back helps. I can’t guarantee that I will not slip back from time to time—I’m only human, I have bad days. But knowing I have the tools I need to become more positive in myself and less judgemental of other people and their (food) choices? Helps.