Feminist, Fat, and Fabulous Blog: Safe Travels

Being fat can mean you’re conspicuous. Being fat and a woman, doubly so. No matter how much try and hide yourself, you’re there.

I spent years trying not to take up too much space. I was so completely conscious of the way my hips brushed against desks in the classroom, the size of my thighs leaning against a person on a crowded train; however, I think this isn’t entirely relegated to fat women as it is to women in general. Perhaps, as fat women, we notice it more?

As women, we’re generally taught to be dainty, polite, unassuming, giving and compassionate. We make ourselves as small as possible; we pretend we don’t mind that someone has their bag on the seat next to them; we give up our seats for people who need them. We avoid rush hour; we think he accidentally brushed up against us; we smile a hello at the other persons on the carriage.

I travelled on trains a fair amount of the time when I was younger. I will probably be travelling on them again most of the time in the future. While I’ve only ever felt somewhat unsafe as a woman on a train once, I know it happens to far too many women, far too often. Day time, night time, rush hour, late night. Doesn’t matter, it still happens.

I hate it and I don’t know what to do about it. I hate that feeling of powerlessness. I hate that the conditioning I’ve gone through has made me worry about looking crazy.

So, while I don’t necessarily think that having the above traits is a bad thing at all, I’ve had to condition myself out of some of the traits instilled in me as both a woman and a fat person. I take up more space sometimes. I am not going to apologise for it. My thigh against yours is not an invitation to put your hand on my knee. I just have big thighs; they will spill over to your seat, no matter how much I’ve scrunched myself up. I’m listening to my iPod and reading my book. This is my armour. I don’t have to be polite and unassuming to you. I will give up my seat if I am asked to with courtesy. I will not if I am being muttered about, or if you are using words like “lazy” or “bitch”.

It is my right to travel safely. It is your duty to respect that.