stepping out solo: going to the movies alone isn’t such a bad thing

Image: Fernando de Sousa

Ah, the smell of popcorn at the cinema. It’s something that follows you all the way to the bathroom. Or maybe you can just smell the stench of urine all through the theatre? Huh. Who would think such a thing? Well me, on my first and so far only trip to the flicks by myself.

A few months ago, I went to see a I Give it a Year solo for a uni assignment. Apparently, seeing a film all by yourself isn’t the done thing. When I told my feature writing class I had ventured to the movies alone, you could hear a pin drop. Well maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but I do remember a classmate’s remarks.

‘You must be a really confident person, then,’ she said after a moment.

This idea of confidence is something I’ve heard others point to. On one of my not-so-lonely trips to see The Heat, my friends whispered to me about the mid-30s man enjoying the film by himself a few rows in front of us. He must have no friends, they said. He must be so brave, they said. He must just want to spoil himself with a bit of Melissa McCarthy’s amazeballs acting, I said.

Going anywhere solo (or “stag” or “doe” or whatever it’s called) can cause a bit of apprehension. But unlike a social setting, such as a wedding, or other formal events where dates are required, this isn’t a reflection of reproductive success. Going to the movies alone seems to cause anxiety because there’s this deeper meaning: you can’t seem to find anyone willing to sit next to you in the dark and barely socialise.

Humans are social beings. We live in groups: from the beginning of life in families (be they nuclear, blended, etc.) to school, to work, to nursing homes. In Australia, being seen as an individual isn’t necessarily a bad thing as in collectivist cultures like those in Asia, but it’s still expected that you should want and need to be perceived as part of a group.

Being “normal” is supposedly being liked by other human beings enough to be in a group situation…because humanity seems to mean belonging (I apologise to readers in New South Wales who did their HSC between 2009 and the last month or so. I really should have included a trigger warning.) So not belonging can cause anxiety.

Everyone has anxiety from time to time and with varying degrees of severity. I have social anxiety. There, I said it. I have it, but it’s manageable with a bit of my own off-screen acting. I think this is why it’s such a thrill for me that I was able to go alone once so far in my life.

When I’m undercover as Snoop Journo Journ (a horrible name I gave myself after a cop boss called me a “hound” during the first big story I wrote for uni), I feel like I can – to an extent – subvert the horrendous wave of nerves that comes over me in everyday life. This is of course easier when I’m doing a film review, as opposed to a face to face interview.

What I’m trying to illustrate here – other than my imaginary press hat and trench coated self – is that people put on faces to deal with problems. If going to a movie alone is a problem, then why not put on the face that you’re a strong independent woman (or man – hi male Lipsters!) who don’t need no lover / friend / relative to indulge yourself in the fantasy realm of film.

Constantly, in my Facebook newsfeed, I pay witness to needy statuses like: ‘Want to see the new Thor but have no one to go with. :(’ Or then there are, of course, the direct pleas for a cinema companion. I feel I can’t comment ‘Just go by yourself :)’ because that would be somehow broaching a taboo subject. I wish people could feel as liberated as I have and I want to be in the future as I head to see movies by myself.

Taking a trip to the movies by yourself is a step towards improved self-confidence. And if you get nervous, there are always online guides like these to help con you into getting you along to the lobby. I mean, no more sharing popcorn – hells yeah! Hmm, maybe not popcorn as you ponder the smells of your local theatre.