don’t call me crazy: i am not my social anxiety

“Don’t worry.”

“Just Relax.”

“Calm down.”

I think if I hear these words directed at me just one more time I might actually go mental. Oh wait, technically I already am. I have what is called Social Anxiety Disorder, which amongst other things means I now get to tick all sorts of extra boxes on medical forms.

My anxiety started in high school as a result of bullying, but anxiety can begin for a variety of reasons. It changed me from a popular, confident teenager into a constantly nervous introvert. There was a time in year twelve when the thought of going to school was enough to make me vomit and I ended up boycotting my own graduation. I spent most of the year trying to pretend I didn’t exist because that was easier to deal with than the challenge of saying hello to others.

Social Anxiety is the most common Anxiety disorder around and it primarily involves fearing negative judgment from others. It is very much a hidden illness and unless someone blatantly admits to being affected by it, it is very hard to identify. I haven’t even really told my parents yet and I see them every day.

More important than telling others however, is admitting to yourself that you have a problem. I first began to climb this hurdle when I stumbled across a weirdly inspiring video. It is still available on YouTube – click here to check it out – and it shows people from all over the world admitting on camera to having some form of social anxiety or phobia. As silly as it sounds, this was the only thing that really made me believe that I wasn’t alone and immediately the challenges of anxiety became easier to bear.

For the most part, the difference between getting help and staying silent is the knowledge that people do care and won’t change the way they act around you. The number one reason people with anxiety don’t want to talk about their illness is because they fear what people will think of them once they know. For me it was the fear that people would realise that I had been pretending to be so happy when inside I was falling apart. Rather than be called a liar I decided against speaking up.

Mental illnesses are often easier to manage if they are caught early but for that to happen people need to feel comfortable asking for help. To call for help they need to know that they will not be ridiculed or disrespected. I went to my school counselor for help and my plea was treated with so much disdain that I completely lost my trust in the mental health care system. It is really amazing how much of an impact one sentence from one person can make.

“You’re probably just tired – drink some water and go back to class.”

If anyone ever comes to you for help, don’t brush them off. You don’t know how many times they have practiced that all-important question in the mirror. You don’t know how many times they might have tried to mention it in the past and then chickened out. If someone has enough guts to stand up and say that they have a mental illness then already they have more guts than most.

Mental illnesses most definitely retain a negative stigma in society and as a result embarrassment is one of the number one reasons people refrain from speaking up. No one should be made to feel ashamed of admitting they need an extra bit of help, but unfortunately there are people all over the world who experience this on a daily basis.

Sure, people judge others. This is a natural instinct – like judging whether a road is safe to cross we judge people to determine if they might be someone we would like or someone to stay away from. I’m not saying we should stop this process but I am saying that we should stop labeling people, particularly when we don’t know them. What infuriates me the most is when people are labeled as their mental illness.

I am not social anxiety. Nor is anxiety the only emotion I experience.

I’m sure many others who have experienced mental illness will understand what I mean here. Getting labeled or categorized as a mental illness is really frustrating and makes any progress you have made seem worthless. It is like when you finally turn ten-years-old but people still think you are nine. Back then it feels like a huge deal to be called the wrong age and but being labeled as a mental illness is exactly the same because it is inaccurate. The frustrating thing is that most people who claim to understand are the ones who use these labels incorrectly.

Don’t claim to understand if you don’t really – it’s as simple as that. The way you treat someone with a mental illness makes it immediately clear to that person whether you really do understand or not. So many people who know about my social anxiety say that they understand but then assume that I am anxious every second of the day. This is in no way true but they still walk on eggshells around me because of it. Others take note of this and act the same– but no one has ever actually asked me about it.

I guess the most important message I am trying to get across is that getting help from someone who really understands is one of the hardest parts of dealing with any mental illness. But even if you don’t understand, don’t be afraid to reach out and let someone who is struggling know that you are there. Most importantly – don’t make assumptions; you never know where mental illness may strike.

(Image credit: 1.)