i’m an alpha female (but not as you know it)

Did you know there is a brand new breed of woman? Well, apparently there is. No, she doesn’t have super powers and she’s not a mutant but she does have a nice pair of high heels. She’s called ‘The Alpha Female’ and she’s got the ‘XX factor’! Wow! Impressive!

…Not.

In this week’s Sunday Life, Helen O’Neill wrote about a new book called ‘The XX Factor’ by British Professor Alison Wolf.

Wolf reckons there is a ‘relatively new’ type of woman called the ‘Alpha female’, which is totally new and no one has thought about before, except for the fact that there have been alpha females forever. I would know: I am one, and I’m only 20.

Wolf and I differ on our definitions of Alpha females. Wolf’s alpha female is an educated, successful, married woman and, let’s face it, she’s probably white, cis-gendered and straight too. O’Neill’s article also tells us that an alpha female outsources housework, has few (if any) children, rarely sleeps and is ‘hungry for sex’.

My definition is a little simpler. An alpha, male or female, is a leader who regularly slips into leadership roles automatically without input from the people they are leading. As women are often underrepresented in leadership positions, a woman who is a natural leader is considered somewhat of a rarity. For me, a woman can be an alpha female regardless of her wealth, success in business, or marital status.

I was first called an alpha years ago in a high school drama class. In fact, on that day we were doing a mini play about alpha females and when my teacher asked if anyone thought there were alpha females in our class, all eyes turned to me. One male friend even leaned over and whispered, ‘You’re kinda scary’. Yeah, cheers mate!

Wolf’s definition of an alpha female is too narrow and ignores a large chunk of society. I am an alpha, but I’m also a single, poor university student who has no interest getting married or even being particularly wealthy. The reason I was called an alpha in high school was because I was one of the few girls in my class that would give my opinion and fearlessly take up leadership roles. Sometimes, I was called “bossy”.

It’s fantastic that we have successful women in our community and I am of the opinion that they don’t have to stand and hold the door open for other women as is commonly assumed, but do we need to be classifying these women as some ‘new breed’? There are, albeit few, successful women scattered throughout history and I can bet none of them called themselves ‘alpha women’.

It seems to me that Wolf’s attempt to rebrand successful childless women as alphas is her attempt to get away from the much more derogative title of ‘bitch’. Which is gallant enough, but aren’t we just separating women based on class? There is enough segregation in our society between women that we don’t need to be adding another ‘breed’. I think the media’s fascination with comparing working mums to stay-at-home mums is bad enough. A woman should be able to choose her career and make life choices without the need to label herself as one thing or another.

Wolf’s case isn’t helped by Bahar Etminam’s piece ‘Life in the Alpha Lane’, in which she says, ‘When it comes to us, the sisterhood is non-existent. I’ve found that only in the company of other like-minded women can I relax and be myself. All my girlfriends are powerhouses, most run their own business.’

I read that as ‘oh I don’t like to talk to poor people’.

I am lucky enough to come from a fairly privileged family, so I know that I can’t take the piss too much. But here is my thesis: privilege regularly breeds alphas, male and female, because privileged kids often come from families with parents in leadership position (managers, CEOs etc.). But privileged people who will only hang out with other privileged people are dicks, regardless of sex.

Either way, alphas, regardless of where they come from, are not defined by how successful they are in later life and they are most certainly not defined by their choice to get married or have children.

I was raised by two ridiculously supportive parents. My father is an alpha male and my mother is the head of our household. I’m an alpha because I’m loud, I stick up for myself and people whom I feel have been wronged, and I know I can lead when I’m asked to. People are scared of me because of all those reasons and because I’m a woman with an opinion. I’m an alpha, but I’m not going to conform to the life of Wolf’s alpha and I don’t care if you think I’m a bitch.

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