lip top 10: interesting boob facts

It’s October. No, I didn’t think I would just remind you for the sake of it. I have mentioned it because October is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It’s okay; I’m not going to go on about statistics or campaigns or death. Instead I’m going to ramble on about some interesting things about boobs. Think of me as a creepy middle-aged sex ed teacher. You know, the one that you know means well but is enjoying sharing the facts a little too much.

1. They can move up to 20cm while you’re running
There’s a reason to appreciate having small boobs. Not only ouch, but the more they bounce the more you stretch the ligaments, which are not elastic.

2. According to studies, circumstances dictate what kinds of breasts men like
I’m not going to list them all, but you can google if you’re interested. Apparently richer men like smaller boobs, hungry men like bigger boobs (which sounds like a Freudian complex to me) and men who don’t want kids prefer small.

3. Humans are the only primates with permanent breasts
All the others develop theirs while they are suckling their young. A theory around why this is so is “residual reproductive value”, which I basically read as “to attract men”.

4. They feature in a Greek creation myth
According to the myth, the universe was created when Zeus tricked Hera into breast-feeding Heracles, his half-human son. When Hera saw that Heracles was not her child, she pushed him away and spilled milk, which became the Milky Way.

5. Implants once saved a woman’s life
According to Reuters, an Israeli woman was saved by her breast implants when she was injured in a Hezbollah rocket attack. Shrapnel became imbedded in them and the silicone prevented it from reaching her heart.

6. There’s a thing called “Jogger’s Nipple”
It’s basically when you get sore nips from exercising without a bra – the fabric rubs against them and causes friction. It hurts just thinking about it. Moral of the story: exercise is bad.

7. Other materials went into boobs before silicone implants
Like ivory, glass balls, ground rubber, polyester and ox cartilage. It all sounds so safe and sanitary.

8. Your breasts can absorb poisons
This freaks me out a little. Apparently the fatty tissue is quite absorbent, which means our boobs could contain pesticides, mercury and lead.

9. Implants and American McNuggets have something in common
Besides both being soft and warm, of course. They both contain Polydimethylsiloxane, which is an anti-foaming agent. Now I’m regretting that one time I ate McNuggets in America. See, McDonald’s always comes back to haunt you!

10. Vietnam tried to use breasts in law-making
In 2006 the Vietnamese Government tried (but failed) to ban women whose chests measured less then 28 inches from riding motorbikes on public roads. They said it was about making sure the women were healthy. Sounds legit.