modern ms manners: how to politely sit in the dark with a bunch of strangers – a note on theatre etiquette

I love going to the movies. Almost as much as I love going to the theatre. And I love going to the theatre a lot. Something about watching a script come to life right in front of you, with the added flair of artistic direction and live performance, is like Nutella for my soul.

As a wannabe thespian, I have also had my fair share of experience being on stage. I have been pretty much unstoppable since winning highly commended and a junior burger voucher in the Under 7’s piano recital.

Given this vast understanding of all things performance, I can safely say that attending a performance or a movie requires its own set of standardised behaviour to ensure that everyone can enjoy the experience.

Today I came across a video developed by Musica Viva, who are holding a production of the Takacs Quartet in Canberra this week. The video was no doubt developed with the intention of being a helpful guide to how one should act when attending a concert or performance. Aside from a few kitsch cinematography tricks and the fact that it appears only three people are attending the Quartet performance, I thought the overall message of the video was informative; being a light-hearted approach in advising patrons of things they probably should not do when they come to see the performance, from downing a glass of champagne right through to pushing your way through seats. Not all were pleased with the video however, with some commentators arguing that the video played too heavily on class distinction and a supposed correlation between wearing singlets and a lack of manners.

Leaving aside these arguments, I believe that the point of the video still remains pertinent as a reminder of how everyone should keep their behaviour in check when going to see any live performance at the movies or to the theatre. Now I honestly believe most people are quite good at being considerate of others when attending performances. However, there remain a few areas that could do with some improvement.

Mobile Phones

Really people, do we need to be constantly reminded that your phone ringing in the middle of a movie is going to be annoying and so you should probably turn it off? Really? Apparently yes, as my husband and I discovered at our last attendance to the theatre to see ‘Summer of the 17^th Doll’. The entire performance had been phone call free, right up until the most important and heartbreaking scene where the lead character leaves the stage in silence. Or in our case, to the tune of someone’s text message.

I know sometimes this can be accidental. A good habit is to put your phone on this amazing thing called ‘silent’ when you first enter the building. Or, just to throw something crazy out there, maybe even leave it in the car? I know you are super busy and important, but obviously you have been able to take the time off to see the final Harry Potter movie, so you probably can spare the next two and a half hours without your phone.

It is also important to note that whilst texting may be a discreet way of communicating behind your desk at school, it is the opposite in a darkened room full of people sitting next to each other. You know how you can use your phone at night as a torch? Well in the theatre it is like night time all the time, but with conveniently lit exit signs so you do not need to worry.

Talking

Going to the movies or the theatre is a great way of socialising, so long as you do it at intermission or at a café afterwards. Those close to me have learnt not to try and talk to me during a performance. It is not that I am not interested in what they have to say, it is just that for the next thirty minutes/first act, what they have to say is probably not as important as watching the bromance that is Sherlock and Watson unfold before me.

A good thing to remember is that you are not a ninja nor are you super stealth. Therefore be conscious of the fact that people around you can hear you and everything you are saying.

Shushing

Failure to adhere to the ‘talking’ guidelines outlined above will only lead to one thing: incessant shushing. I proudly identify myself as a shusher (mostly because I am bossy and if you talk near me you will most definitely feel my shushing wrath). However, I am also not ignorant of the fact that all my shushing is doing is making more noise. So let us just all agree not to talk during the performance to save the fury that is angry shushing.

Noisy packets of Food

Similar to the above, rustling packets of food can also be quite distracting from performance. Now I recognise that we are at the whim of whoever it is that chooses to package the choc tops in the tightest and most difficult packaging. However, I believe that the advertisements at the beginning of the movie provide the perfect window within which to open all your food. The lights are still up so your hands no longer feel like useless sausages and you can have everything prepped to go before the movie actually starts. This will also reduce any delays later on and consequently optimise your choc top eating time.

By following the simple guidelines above, I believe we will be able to more fully enjoy the wonder that is additional screenings of Titanic in 3D. Failure to do so may lead to some noisy choc tops being thrown your way.

(Image credit)