(sex)uality: no glove, no love
In episode one of Girls (yeah, we’re back there again), Hannah and her ‘casual sex partner’ Adam are about to get down to business, when she says ‘Will you get a condom?’
To which he replies, ‘I’ll consider it.’ Hmmm. Wrong answer, Adam.
Bringing up contraception when you’re about to have sex can sometimes be awkward, though it really shouldn’t be. Similarly, buying contraception can sometimes be awkward, though once again, the logic behind that doesn’t quite compute.
For some people, contraception is a given. They would never have sex without it (unless they were yearning for a child), and it would never occur to them to be uncomfortable about requesting it of their partners.
That’s the way it should be for all of us, but for some reason it doesn’t always work out that way. Certainly when the sex is casual in nature, and the person you’re doing it with is not someone you know very well (alright, alright, I’m talking about one night stands), whipping a condom out of your handbag/pocket/shoe or whatever can seem to bring up a whole lot of potential consequences to the act that ruin the fun somewhat.
It can turn something that was originally spur of the moment into something that is far more laden with responsibility than you necessarily want to admit.
That said, at the end of the day, it’s far better to suffer a moment or two of awkwardness, than to suffer weeks, months, or even a potential lifetime of discomfort thanks to a whole range of possible STDs.
And frankly, if the person you’re about to make the beast with two backs with is perturbed by the notion of contraception, they’re probably a tool anyway, and not worth the unlikely orgasm.
What really interests me though, is why we’re all so hush-hush about contraception outside of the bedroom. I used to work in a pharmacy, and the one section that all of my colleagues felt awkward about helping customers in was the condom rack (conveniently placed right next to the pregnancy tests). And it wasn’t just us – I mean, I can kind of get why the average 16-year-old pharmacy assistant would feel weird about helping a stranger select the right condoms for their impending evening of pleasure – but the customers were way more weird about it than the staff.
People used to place their condom packets under stacks of other (probably unnecessary) items on the counter, they would always request a bag, and condoms and lube were some of the most shoplifted items in the store. I mean, what did they think – that we’d judge them for having safe sex? Isn’t that meant to be a good thing? Aren’t we beyond the point where we need to get shy about the facts of life? People have sex. Sex is fun, and not everyone wants a baby. There is no moral sin associated with having sex without the aim of getting pregnant. And if you’re helping to avoid the spreading of nasty diseases, even better.
For women, I feel like the contraception situation gets even more awkward. For example, I take the pill. For a number of reasons, not all tied to contraception, but anyway, I’ve taken it for years, and I always found it uncomfortable to take it in public. I guess I thought people would think I was a fallen woman or some shit if they saw me taking the pill – you know, like all those shameless hussies in the ‘70s that destroyed family values by lobbying for the pill to be made widely available in the first place.
A few years ago though, when I realised that due to my squeamishness about taking the pill anywhere but home, I was taking it at varying times every day and hence lessening its effectiveness, I decided to set an alarm for midday every day on my phone.
Now, regardless of where I am, at 12.30pm on the dot, I whip out my pill, pick the right day and take it there and then. Often I get odd looks if I’m in, say, a supermarket, or at work, but you know what? My right not to have an unwanted child (or hideous acne, because it helps with that too), is my business.
Contraception is both necessary, and incredibly useful. In fact, the same could be said of sex itself. Let’s open the conversation, much the same way we would rip open a condom packet – the fact that people still implicitly place value judgments on others based on their sex lives is ridiculous. I mean, the only reason me taking my pill could cause a raised eyebrow is because it means I’m likely to be having sex. OH NO. The horror, right?
However, if I had sex and then had an unwanted child who I couldn’t afford to take care of, I’m sure people would find a way to judge that too.
As with all things sex-related, you and your choices are what matter the most, and of course whatever makes your sex partner(s) comfortable.
Remember that wise old adage though – if there’s no glove, there’s no love.
By Zoya Patel
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