Shaved head

A friend of mine recently shaved her head, much to her partner’s misgivings. She’d done it before and remembered how much cooler her head felt during these sweltering summer months. Having thicker, heavier hair made it difficult for her to handle, and her fatigue problems made it even worse to deal with. So, it came off.

I saw it in person the other week and I think it looks amazing. But it made me think – I could never do that. Never.

Why?

I mean, I have short hair right now, it’s pretty freakin’ pixie and I love it to death. I would never go back to long hair. But I could never completely take it all off.

Why?

I had to examine this. It’s not like I can hide behind the hair I have now, so it’s not that (although, it used to be, when I had longer hair). So, what was it?

I’m ashamed to admit, I think it’s the femininity aspect. Even though I absolutely believe that one can identify as a femme cis-gendered female (as I do) with a shaved head, with hairy legs, with no makeup, with stompy boots, with whatever one chooses to wear or not wear, I cannot seem to reconcile this belief with my personal presentation, or my fat presentation.

I had difficulty presenting myself how I normally do when I got my hair cut. I felt a little lost. I felt drawn to different fashion – my usual uniform was floral skirts, dresses, petticoats, ballet flats and bright lipstick. My uniform now is block colours, cleaner lines, less frills and frou frou. I still like the look of my previous uniform, but I don’t wear it as much anymore. And it’s all to do with my hair.

This particular style might not be as “flattering” as my previous style. My previous style really suited my pear shape, it “hid” my hips and thighs, focused the attention on my waist and was very femme, but now, I feel more comfortable in this new uniform of clothing.

I think, as I get older, I’m trying to focus less on the look and more on the comfort. I’m trying to reconcile being a femme identified female, but not entirely presenting in that way. I’m not wearing shapewear anymore, I’m not trying to present the “best” parts of my body, I’m not wearing as much makeup and I’m not as hyper focused on my looks or what other people think of them. I’m getting more comfortable in my skin. This doesn’t have to translate to shaving my head, but maybe it can translate to becoming comfortable with the idea, should it ever eventuate. I am still myself and I am still however I choose to present myself, no matter what I wear or what length my hair is.

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