the lip crew on virginity

Well, if Madonna can sing about it, there’s no reason why the Lip Crew can’t write about it, right?

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‘At my age it’s uncool to admit my virginity except as a comedic punchline, but I’ve not retained it as any political or religious statement – I simply haven’t found someone with whom I choose to have sex. In my early 20s I struggled with the concept of remaining a virgin, until I realised there was no point wishing it away, or doing something I wouldn’t feel comfortable with just to rid myself of it. Being a virgin doesn’t mean I’m any more or less than I would be if I wasn’t. It’s simply my current state of being.
– Jay Mortlock, Writer

‘Virginity is a strange thing. Well, it’s not really a thing, is it? It’s all just a concept we’ve made up somewhere along the way that’s tied up with religion, law and all sorts of crazy stuff. It’s paradoxical how you can grow up as a girl feeling that you’re a loser if you haven’t “lost it” yet; while at the same time our culture values virginity as a feminine ideal. I think losing your virginity is awarded needlessly excessive meaning. This can be disillusioning for people if their “first time” passed them by because it wasn’t that amazing event we’ve all been told about. Or because they were drunk and couldn’t remember it the next day. Damn it, I didn’t even get a chance to light candles and put on The best of Burt Bacharach!’ – Ruby Grant, Writer

‘The phrase ‘to lose your virginity’ sits uncomfortably with me. It implies virginity is something [that] has possibly been misplaced simply “by accident”, or that you’re just a complicit entity rather than an active participant in the sex you are experiencing. The term “lose” implies an inherent, new “lacking”. It tells us, once you have engaged in sex, you are now “less than” you were prior. Loss and mourning go hand in hand. What other idioms might fit a more secular view of this first sexual experience? What about ‘I’ve experienced my sexual awakening’, or ‘I’ve initiated my sex life!’, or ‘I can add sex to my list of life skills now, like eating with a knife and fork or writing cursive!’ And here’s a little fact you might not know: hymens are not “broken” by sex – they exist naturally with an opening to allow  menstrual blood to pass. So this concept of women’s virginity being “broken” or being “lost” is all just a part of the fun myth factory operating in our heads that the pre-science religious zealots put into motion oh so long ago. I personally Thank God for the internet, which has allowed us to lose/break/crack/assail/defeat these mythical idioms, one at a time.’ – Audrey K. Hulm, Writer

‘While I don’t think sex between consenting and informed adults is especially extraordinary, I do understand that the choice of when (if ever) to have it is a personal one. Of course, public attitudes about sexuality have been changing and that’s good, though the double standards persist with awful repercussions (see: slut-shaming). But with all of that progress there still seems to be this derision toward virginity that I can’t really understand. There’s this idea that virginity after a certain point, if you aren’t religious, is shameful. I don’t see virginity as anything other than what it is: lack of experience for whatever reason in this ONE fairly common part of life. Virginity certainly isn’t a bad thing until it’s attached to ideas like purity and worth, or undesirability and prudishness. (For guys, I guess those negatives would include immaturity and weakness.) And what constitutes “sex” anyway? Who decides what the definition of sexual experience is?’ – Shannon Clarke, Writer

‘There are a lot of touchy issues surrounding virginity, particularly in regard to young girls and “losing” it – it is, after all, inherently bound to sex. But I believe that it comes down to choice and whether or not you and the person you’re with are making that choice together (whether one or both of you is a virgin). Sex, for the first time or for the hundredth time, is a big deal, so it’s important to know that you’re in control of the situation and in control of how you might prioritise your virginity. If you’re ready to lose it, go right ahead. Just make sure that you’re the one making that choice – no one else can make it for you.’
– Michelle See-Tho, Writer

‘Virginity signifies choice.  In our society, it’s been burdened with religious, cultural and superstitious value, but ultimately, being a virgin is just another part of being human.  To be untouched doesn’t necessarily make one pure, just as having sex doesn’t make one impure.  We are born a certain way with the choice to change, evolve and share intimacy with other people.  It’s perhaps life’s way of saying “Here is one of my many gifts to you. Choose to share it, or keep it to yourself.”  The terms “intact”, “pure” and “chaste” shouldn’t even come into it.’ – Sophia Anna, Writer

‘I’m fascinated by the incredible emphasis placed on virginity, given that it exists almost wholly as a negative concept. Of course I don’t mean that it’s a “bad thing” (although that seems to be the consensus amongst teenage boys), but that it is almost always used in reference to its loss/disappearance/abandonment/hurling away. The specific incident of its loss is built up as one of life’s ultimate MOMENTS. In reality it’s more like a childhood birthday. Anticipation builds and builds and builds and then it’s over. And you don’t feel older or wiser or more mature. But the way you appreciate sex, like birthdays, changes the more of each you have. Where once you were excited about the flashy, trivial aspects like presents and lollies and pass-the-parcel, now you enjoy being with friends, drinking too much and taking naps. (I think I was referring to birthdays there, but to be honest those last three things easily apply to both).
– Toby Newton, Writer

‘Sorry to burst your bubble. Virginity is a social construct. Because by the time you “lose” your virginity, you’ve probably been sexually active for quite some time. (Remember when you messed around with that Year 11 Jeremy behind the bike shed? Yep, that counts. And that breathless two-hour sesh in the empty cinema with the guy you never called? Sure does!) Because when a man puts his wang in your foof, your eyes won’t open the next day with a gaze of newly-obtained wisdom and maturity. Because the status of pre-penetration does not equal the girlish innocence of pigtails and lollipops. Because our sexual lives are so much more nuanced and spectacular than being labelled tight or loose. And because, dammit, our sexy education extends long beyond that first uncomfortable thrust—hopefully for the rest of our lives! Access required reading here.’ – Louise Heinrich, Writer

‘In Grade Prep, a girl in my class asked me if I was a virgin. “Noooo!” I exclaimed. And in five-year-old singsong, she laughed: “Ha ha! You’re not a virgin! You’ve had sex!” I had no idea what she was talking about, and I’m sure my face flushed with embarrassment. I considered myself wise and worldly after all, and my ego didn’t take the trickery very well. (I asked my mum about it later. She didn’t tell me what being a virgin meant, only that I had to be one until I got married…) My First Time™ was nothing to make a song and dance about, and it definitely isn’t up there as one of the Great Moments of my life, and I don’t see any reason why it should be. Besides, what actually is sex, anyway? I think society’s fixation on virginity is too entwined with heteronormative ideas on sex and sexuality and actually, I find the whole thing rather perplexing: first, does it really make a difference how old you were when you “lost it” and whether or not it was “special” and with “someone you loved” and all the rest of it? Perhaps to some. But honestly, what kind of clumsy sod loses something that doesn’t even technically exist? Social constructs aren’t “real”, you know.’
– Jo Mandarano, Managing Editor

What are your thoughts on virginity, Lipsters? Tell us below!