When resolutions fail – starting the New Year with a bang, not a fizzle

I was always a big believer in resolutions. Not just on New Years either. Birthdays, the start of every season, the start of every month, and sometimes even just the beginning of the week would inspire me to write lists of what I wanted to change about myself. They almost always involved getting rid of bad habits, such as ‘stop chewing your nails’ or ‘stop eating junk food’, though there were never any set ideas about how exactly I was going to get rid of these habits.

But here’s the thing: for all of us who have ever made a resolution, whether on New Years or otherwise, we all know what a dismal failure they almost always are.

I have given up on making resolutions over the last few years, because I became tired of that sinking feeling when I inevitably failed. Because in the case of resolutions, failure tends to mean one small mistake. As soon as we indulge in our bad habit, we give up our resolution completely and simply promise ourselves that we’ll try again next year.

We forget that change is not instant. Change takes time, effort and many, many, many failures. Bad habits don’t just disappear because one day we decide that they will, or because we include the word ‘stop’ (which almost all resolutions do). Willpower takes time to build up. It’s like a muscle – it needs to be worked on and strengthened over time.

Part of change is realising what has stopped us from change before. It is in recognising our triggers – the things that hold us back – whether internal or external. And the only way to find out what they are is through trying and failing. And then using what we learned through that failure to try again.

Resolutions aren’t healthy. Promises to ourselves that are made in stone like that can’t possibly be, no matter how hard we try, simply because it is human to fail now and then. It is important to do so, to take one step back so that we can take a few more steps forward.

I think that instead of New Years resolutions, we should all make some New Years goals instead. Because the general idea, of looking at ourselves, our lives and the bright and fresh slate waiting before us, is indeed the perfect time for reflection. It is a time for us to think about what we want to achieve, during the year and during our lives, and letting our goals reflect that. The reason I say goals is because, or at least personally speaking, a goal to me implies something that takes work and time. It is not instantaneous. It is not, like resolutions tend to be, a wish. It is an aim – one that will take as long as we need to make it happen. And one that will allow us to forgive ourselves if we trip up now and then, and continue marching forward, using our mistakes as a guide.

So, that being said, what are you goals for this New Year?

(Image Credit: 1.)