even though I’m a girl I can carry a wheelchair

I have a friend who is in a wheelchair. I just came back from going to the movies with him. In order to get into the cinema he has to walk agonisingly slowly down two flights of stairs while I carry the wheelchair down. An empty wheelchair. It used to be me and someone else carried the wheelchair with my friend in it, which was considerably heavier (he’s a lightweight) but easily doable with two people.

As I walk down the stairs with this wheelchair, not panting, not stopping, not showing any great disability, like every man asks me if I need help. “No, no, I’m fine. Thanks, I’m cool.” When we got into the theatre, as the previews were rolling, I let fly. “When guys carry your wheelchair down the stairs do other men offer to help,” I asked, “or just when I do it?” “Just when you do it.” I said that annoyed me, what do they think, just because I’m a girl I can’t carry a wheelchair?

My friend thought I was being too sensitive, that it wasn’t personal, that sometimes men just want to play a male role, it gives them a chance to talk to a girl, be manly, that’s just the way it is… I said that’s the point, I’m not taking it personally. They aren’t relating to me as a person, but just a female. I’m not going to get my panties in a wad about it, but it still relevant that that highly gendered response is still there.

As we were leaving the cinema (up the stairs), a men kept persisting in asking if I needed help. I continued my way up saying I was okay, it was fine, it wasn’t heavy. When I got outside I wished I was one of those feminists who could just let it fly and say just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I can’t carry a wheelchair. But I don’t say those things because really, these men are just trying to be nice. They aren’t trying to offend me. The funny thing is, though, my friend changed his tune a bit and said he would be annoyed too with the persistence. I said no, why keep asking me?

Would any female reading this have the balls to call a man up on this? Would any of the guys reading this do that–feel culturally inclined to offer a woman carrying something heavy help even if she looked comfortable? I sort of figure even if I did say something short and pithy, all it would do would be offend the man, without making any real point, without getting him to rethink his gendered response. I think a t-shirt that I could put on each time I have to carry my friend’s chair up or down some stairs that read “Even though I’m a girl I can carry a wheelchair” might do the trick, though!