My friend hurts herself

3 June 2009

Ms Lip

Honest and real advice to the problems you may be too embarrassed or shy to ask your friends and family about . Stay anonymous and get the impartial advice you need. Email your questions to [email protected]. By emailing a question to Ms Lip you accept your question may appear on lipmag.com. Questions cannot be answered privately. Once a question is posted we reserve the right not to remove it.

Dear Ms Lip

My best friend just confided in me that she cuts. I am really worried about her and don’t know what to say or do. I don’t think I can tell anyone cause I don’t want to ruin her trust but I’m afraid she might end up seriously hurting herself. I know she has some full on stuff happening in her life right now and she told me that’s how she deals with it. What should I do?

Worried Friend.

Hi Worried Friend,

That’s a really tough issue to cope with and feeling like you cannot talk about it. I can understand that you don’t want to tell people about your friends issue because you’re afraid she might not react too well. It is important to realise that someone who participates in self harm such as cutting isn’t necessarily planning on suicide. Often self harm is used as a coping mechanism to help deal with strong feelings and can give an immediate sense of relief. However this is only a temporary solution and can lead to permanent physical scarring as well as ongoing mental health problems. In some cases self harm can develop into thoughts of suicide, so please suggest to your friend they talk to a doctor or perhaps seek counselling to address the underlying problems. Depending on their age they may feel that going to a doctor or counsellor would draw attention to their parents, if they feel they cannot talk to their parents about the issue they can call life line on 131 114 or Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800. Both of which are free calls and give anonymous counselling 24 hours a day and the number won’t appear on the phone bill. Your friend telling you is a sign that they might be ready to face the issue, however it is difficult for you in this situation, because you are not a qualified counsellor and don’t try to be. Encourage your friend to seek counselling, they can email Kids Helpline or chat to them online if they are worried about talking to someone on the phone. Either way encourage them to get professional help immediately and don’t ignore the issue but try not to play it up as drama attracting either. Some good websites for you to look at are below that can provide detailed information.

http://www.reachout.com.au
http://www.kidshelp.com.au
http://www.headspace.org.au

Good luck Worried Friend, I hope you continue to support your friend and encourage them to seek professional help. If you have difficulty in dealing with the situation or it escalates and you’re at school, you might want to try talking to the school counsellor who can offer you support. For the readers feel free to share any opinions or experiences in the comments section.

Take care,
Ms Lip.