who wants to get married anyway…

Disgust is at least one word I’d use to describe the Howard Government’s latest homophobic quest. I wonder what would happen if he used the resources trying to stop gay people marrying overseas into…well anything that was useful really.

And if Johnnie hadn’t turned me off the prospect of ever getting married, I have been tricked into attending my first Kitchen Tea. I can’t believe after 9 years I am still surprised by strange Australian customs. (Some examples include a holiday for a horserace, the rudeness of the word “she”, and hip, hip, hooraying at the end of Happy Birthday.)

Of course I had no idea this was a traditional aspect of weddings, or what it entailed. My engaged friend lured me in by telling me we could drink champagne before noon! After some research, I’ve found that the Kitchen Tea is an all gal event, similiar to a baby shower, except you provide the bride with gifts for the kitchen. Not that we’re showing her what her role in the marriage should be, oh no.

I can’t wait to email my mother in Canada, who keeps sending my fella, a chef, kitchen utensils in her care packages. Oh the faux pau! And really, how many cookie cutters in the shape of a maple leaf does one household need?

I also found a resource on other wedding traditions at the optimistic website Forever After.
Some of the worst ones include:

THE ORIGIN OF THE BEST MAN WEDDING TRADITION

In 200 A.D, the male Germanic Goths of northern Europe, usually married a woman from within his own community. However, when there were fewer women, the prospective bridegroom would capture his bride from a neighbouring village. The bridegroom was accompanied by his strongest friend (or best friend), who helped him capture his bride.

WHY THE BRIDE STANDS TO THE GROOMS LEFT

After the bridegroom captured his bride, he placed her on his left to protect her, thus freeing his right hand or sword hand against sudden attack.

THE ORIGIN OF THE HONEYMOON

After “kidnapping” his bride, the groom would take her and go into hiding, disappeared with her so that his family could not rescue her. The couple hid for a month (moon) and partook of a wine, made of mead and honey called metheglen, which was thought to have aphrodisiac properties. By the time the bride’s family tracked them down them, the bride would probably already be pregnant! A “bride price” would then be negotiated.

Living in sin has never looked better….