unsafe assertions : the off-the-shoulder dress

I know this girl who dislikes me because I’m pretty sure she’s decided that in order to be the best woman you can, you have to have a nemesis – just anyone; pick ‘em out like you’re playing Fan Chan. This is a real shame, because there’s really no reason why we shouldn’t like each other, except for that one time she called me to ask for the numbers of all my friends to invite them to a barbeque and she subsequently didn’t invite me. Even so, the above scenario only highlights the shame that absolutely redundant and one-sided frenemism perpetuates.

This girl wears one-shoulder dresses all the time. She also wears one-shoulder tops, and one-shoulder leotards, and one-shoulder pants – you get what I’m saying. Watching her wardrobe lose sleeves has taught me that the one-shoulder movement is a very hit-and-miss process. Also, contrary to tabloid say-so, one-shoulder can look elegant – even contemporary-awesome – if designed and worn by the right person, or if you’re Beyoncé and you’re doing a really vigorous dance about ‘woulda coulda shoulda’. So I’ve saved everyone a bit of time, and done a little research. I’d say this could be the definitive paper on single-shoulder garments.

A little one-shoulder history; In terms of ancient societies, it seems the women of ancient Rome and Greece partook in the wearing of both single and double-shouldered garments. For example, in Rome, married women wore a stola – a single-shouldered cloak suggesting she was married (if you liked it then you should’ve put a stola on it.) Hundreds of years later, due to modesty technicalities, religion, a few wars and The Depression, the one-shoulder number took a sabbatical. While it appeared a few too many times in the 80’s, it seems the one-shoulder made another comeback in 2007 through the Kate Moss for Topshop range, and it’s stuck with us since.

Seeing as Kim Kardashian is again making headlines for being the average bear, I thought jumping on the bandwagon wouldn’t hurt; she’s got a lot to give. Like flesh. She gives a lot of flesh. So it’s easy to skin her. Fact: KK officially farewelled the black one-shoulder dress on the 17th August 2010. I know this because her boring-ass blog told me so. So I thought, ‘Hey, what’s so bad about the one-shoulder black dress?’ and I did a bit of a field study; I bought my own thanks to the recent sale ASOS had.

At this point, I have to say ASOS are a mass-production, free-shipping godsend, and their pants actually fit the standard human. Furthermore, I wholeheartedly approve of buying new clothes, so long as you wear those garments until they are balled-up sacky things you sand floors in, or until they’re in a child’s dress-up box, or if you give them to a friend once you’re done with them. I’m not going to delve into the politics of knowing the history of a new garment, needless to say I hold a conflicted stance and plenty of opinions regarding the responsibility of a manufacturer, as well as the awareness and resolve of a consumer.

The dress I chose was a loose-fitting sleeveless number with a gathered shoulder held by a gold bar. The hem, slightly longer at the back, was a broad handkerchief-style forming a single V on either side of the dress. The result was rather asymmetrical, and on the whole quite simple and vaguely new-agey. I wore it to the launch of literary magazine ‘Seizure’s second edition, themed Sci Fi. Here are my general one-shoulder observations:

• Depending on the one-shoulder neckline, it’s a little difficult to conceal a strapless bra.
• Being braless poses the vague risk of feeling as though you may somehow reveal more than your shoulder during the course of the evening.
• That’s about it. The rest is up to the wearer, but you know, bra-comfort-warnings are always nice.

I’m not really going to follow up Kardashian’s one-shoulder resolve, because she’s a bit of a benign mole, but I will say you shouldn’t give asymmetry the cold shoulder. Go find yourself a single-arm garment and try it on for yourself. If it makes your breasts feel bulbous, if it cuts your underarm off or you just feel uncomfortable, then don’t be afraid to say, ‘this ain’t working’. Walk away from the one-shoulder movement. Don’t occupy it. That critics never say, ‘this style, like any, really depends upon what suits your body’ is a phenomenon that doesn’t surprise me, but it certainly is frustrating.

By Lorelai Rose

Lorelai Rose is a self-informed opinion giver who commits to primitive research methods, and hopes to make you smile. She’s a beauty and lifestyle features writer under another name, but you can visit her blog here: www.itsfridayandiminlove.com
She’s also a n00b to Twitter. @fridaylore

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