an ode to being single forever

Being single for your whole life is almost like living a life with no one else in it, but it isn’t lonely and it isn’t sad. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve never even had sex. Well and truly, I’ve been a solo act for my entire life.

Being single for me, is complete and unbridled freedom. A kind of freedom that can only be attained through years of solitude and absolute self sufficiency. You learn to not form attachments, you don’t get clingy and you never hang around at a party too long for ‘him’ to make the move. There have been heaps of women who have shown a multitude of reactions to my claim. Their reactions range from surprise, to pity, to feeling impressed. With every single facial reaction that I’m about to receive, I prepare for pity the most because I don’t think people quite understand how someone could have never had a relationship before.

To be honest, there are heaps of women out there who have never had a relationship before and are older than I am. But in daily life, we don’t come across them very much. They are a rarity. My entire life has been an act of self-defense. Not in the sense that I am being attacked left, right and center but in the sense that, whatever is giving me a hard time, I’m on my own to work it out.

I ask myself sometimes, what could a boyfriend give me that I can’t give myself? The answer is nothing. It’s come to the point in my life where I can’t imagine what a relationship could give me besides sex which I never want anyway.

I literally feel like I can get everything that I could get from a relationship, alone. I can get happiness, fulfillment, financial security and enjoyment of life by myself. In fact, I have. I’ve never needed a man to fill my voids. I think men create voids more than fill them if you ask me to be frank.

I have absolutely nothing against women who do have relationships and who are in love with their partners. That’s a positive thing and obviously it works for them. But to be honest, I literally cannot see myself with anyone. Maybe one day It’ll happen, but that whole idea is so far off for me that it almost feels abstract.

Of course, I’ve known lots and lots of couples and heard dozens of their personal narratives about their lives together. My impression is that it’s a complex and entangled world where part of your independence is sometimes sacrificed to please your other half. There are things that your boyfriend are OK with about your life and there are things that he isn’t. I guess that’s life but I can’t imagine what that’s like. I’ve never had to think of anyone else but myself. Being single, the only person you answer to is you.

You become selfish when you are single for so long. You want everything for yourself and you aren’t afraid to enjoy every minute of life completely to yourself either. The best times in my life have been ones where I’ve been alone and in ownership of my experiences. Being single is about ownership. Ownership of your life, your direction and your accumulated wealth of knowledge and experience.

I sometimes ask myself what the difference is between a best friend and a boyfriend? To me, my best friend is just like what a boyfriend is except we don’t sleep together. Is it really all about sex at the end of the day? What is it about boyfriends that fulfill so many women in deep ways that just can’t be fully explained to the outside world? Sometimes I look at couples and I notice that dazed, drunk love look that they share in their gazes with each other. I don’t know what to do but to look away. I know that it’s something that I’ve never known.

Now that I’m trying, it’s so difficult to capture the true essence of singledom. I’m like how Star fish grow back arms after you’ve pulled one off. I’m like a drink that keeps re-filling by itself no matter how many times you’ve downed it.

I don’t feel a desire to be partnered and nor do I actively seek one out either. I feel like love is something that is a lot more simple than we believe. We place such emphasis and fantasy on love. But love to me is just like a vending machine. The entire system of love, is a vending machine.

I believe in women being whatever they want to be and doing what they want to do. I want more women to be able to feel independent and empowered by being single. I don’t like women who depend on men to feel OK about themselves, but let me also say it’s not their fault that they feel like that. The whole world have told women to seek approval from men in so many areas.

There’s only one thing I have to say to women who are scared of being single. Being single is not being ‘alone’. Being single and being alone are completely different things. I never feel ‘ alone’ because I feel like I’m everything that I could get from the world. I feel like I’m all that I need to be able to achieve all that I want.
I’m my own reserve of nuclear power that never runs out.