Face It: message in a bubble
Would it be a bit too grand to say that text messages are part of the glue that holds our social lives together? Nay, that holds our lives together? Maybe that’s a little much, but let’s be honest – text messages play a pretty big role in your life, too. But is it actually easier or harder to connect, what with all these text messages floating around between us?
There’s a lot to talk about when it comes to text messages – etiquette, grammar, overuse of smiley faces. But let’s start by talking about the role of the text message in relationships – or rather, post relationships.
I am an unashamed message hoarder. This is equal parts because I have witty friends (I enjoy chuckling over their messages for years to come), but also because I am a self-confessed nostalgia whore. Cleaning out my message inbox used to be an agonizing task for me – how could I possibly choose just 200 messages, out of all the SMS gold stored there? It’s like asking me to choose between Alexander Skarsgard and Joseph Gordon Levitt. But that’s what nostalgia has become – email folders, Facebook links to older posts, and four-year-old phones that I still keep in a drawer because I can’t let go of those stupid old text messages. What, am I going to pull out my trusty old Samsung one day and show my grandkids all the charming text messages I received back in the day? (…Possibly.)
Fact is, you can relive whole relationships by looking at your text messages, and that includes friendships as well. Of course, the iPhone has made it much easier to wallow in text messages past by helpfully arranging them in an orderly fashion. You see, the iPhone is an enabler when it comes to people like me, because it puts all of your messages into little speech bubbles organized chronologically and by person (is that to make us think it’s just like having a real conversation?).
That’s what made me start thinking about this whole message history thing. They’re more telling than you think – I mean, you can often judge the stage of a relationship by what kind of text messages you were sending and receiving. Let’s delve right into some examples…
‘What are you up to?’
There is nothing more obvious than a ‘Hey… where are you?’ text message at 3am. Remember the good old days, when you’d actually (horror!) have to track down a person to proposition them? How quaint that seems now. These days, all it takes is a few well-thought-out text messages (that your friends usually help you draft) to water the blossoms of love. Or at the very least, to get a little lust growing.
In the early stages of courtship, text messages are an easy excuse not to man up and hit on someone face to face. Sometimes it works out; sometimes it doesn’t. It’s both good and bad that it’s far less intimidating to text message someone. On the one hand, any one person is only a couple of typed words away. On the other hand, any one person is only a couple of words away. Sometimes you press ‘send’ and then immediately realise that hormones and technology have made a stupid idea seem like a really great one. On the pro side however, rejection is far easier to read than hear.
So more often than not, the humble text message will play a part in people both getting together and getting busy. Sometimes, this may even take you down the road to a relationship.
‘Meet you in 15?’
Ah, the early days of infatuation. These messages generally show the best (and funniest) side of both parties, because you’re still stuck in that ‘trying to impress’ phase. After a while though, your text messages become completely mundane and boring – because you’ve reached that point where you don’t really need to text each other because you’re spending all your time cooing into each other’s ears and watching old episodes of shows that neither of you would ever otherwise admit to liking (yes, relationships sometimes make you lame). These completely inconsequential and dull text messages are part of a larger web that we call ‘relationship’.
‘I’m sorry…’
It’s all too easy to say things that you don’t mean, especially if that’s your defence mechanism. It’s even easier to say things that you do mean, and know you shouldn’t say. I myself love to find things to get angry about, and then I rationalise flying off the handle about them. Of course, remorse is a bitch – but somewhat alleviated by a thoughtful and considerate apology message. These are a good reminder that relationships can tend to suck.
‘Can we talk?’
All things must come to an end. Back in the day, that ‘end’ used to be a face-to-face deal, no question. But is there some new 21st century trend where break-up etiquette is getting more and more lax? A few years ago, dumping via phone call was considered to be a cad thing to do – these days it is favourable over a text message or email dismissal. (More on this some other time.) Anyways, unappealing break-up messages are great for really stirring up that anger that helps you get over stuff.
‘I miss you.’
We all do it – after-midnight texts, usually drunk, where you take honesty a little too far, be it nice or nasty (see also: things you know you shouldn’t say). These ones are probably better to delete, because they are usually brought on by too much vodka, solitude and comfort food.
With any luck, you make it to the other side and the text messages continue ¬– once you’ve climbed Break-up Hill and strolled into Friendship Grove. But sometimes, they don’t.
In conclusion, text messages can help you piece together what happened during a drunken evening, a friendship, and even a relationship. That is, if you keep them. Yes, I know it’s stupid to hold on to 70 characters, with the misguided idea that it’ll keep some past thing alive. Truthfully, I doubt I’ll ever look at my old text messages again, but I still can’t delete them, because maybe that means deleting a little bit of someone out of my life.
There are a lot of ‘maybes’, though. Maybe we should think more before we press send. Maybe we should think less. Maybe sometimes it’s better to just delete everything; maybe it’s nice to keep a little reminder of what used to be.
But then again, maybe I take text messages too seriously. Hell, I know I take nostalgia too seriously.
