Hey Brian, that’s called date rape

I guess he just wanted some bad-boy cred, or maybe he is just kind of stupid. Either way, the lyrics of Brian McFadden’s new song “Just the Way You Are (Drunk at the Bar)” have gotten people’s attention, and not for their artistic genius:

“I like you just the way you are, drunk as shit dancing at the bar,
I like it, and I can’t wait to take you home so I can do some damage
I like you just the way you are, jump in the back seat of my car,
‘Cos I like it, and I can’t wait to take you home so I can take advantage.”

Hey, Brian, that’s called date rape. I don’t know if you missed the memo, but taking advantage of intoxicated women isn’t really something we’re supposed to be glamorising.

Of course, he swears black and blue that wasn’t his intention. He says he wrote it for his fiancé, Delta Goodrem, a sort of tribute to how he likes it when she (very rarely, he’s careful to emphasise) gets drunk and dances. Which is romantic, because, you know, every girl yearns for her lover to “take advantage” of her when she’s trashed.

Look, we can give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it was just an irresponsible use of words, and there was no hint of sex crime being sexy intended. (Strange how the cover of the CD is styled to look like a mug shot then, but still). He says he is “shocked at these ridiculous accusations,” and maybe he is. But anyway, that’s not even really the point.

Obviously, this isn’t really about Brian McFadden. I almost kind of feel bad for using him as a scapegoat. But the whole thing just makes me sad and weary, because it’s one more indication of the way rape culture has saturated society- so that we all officially oppose rape, yet so many people have no real understanding of what actually constitutes sexual assault.

There is still a myth that rape is something that happens only in dark alleyways by strangers- even though reports consistently show that women are more likely to be sexually assaulted by someone they know. This myth is damaging, because it can lead to both men and women believing there is nothing legally (or even perhaps morally) wrong with behavior like “taking advantage” of an intoxicated girl at a bar.

A study in the UK recently showed that 48% of males aged 18-25 didn’t believe it counted as rape if the woman was too drunk to object or know what was happening. And using euphemisms like “taking advantage” cannot help but contribute to the trivialisation sexual assault. “Do some damage” just sounds like frat-boy talk. It’s doesn’t sound like a serious crime- it doesn’t sound like something you could get in any real trouble for.

When we trivialise sexual assault, it affects both potential perpetrator and potential victim. If women believe that sort of behaviour is okay, they’re less likely to fight it if it happens to them. If they think it’s their fault, and they have no right to be upset, they’re less likely to voice their trauma and seek any kind of treatment and justice. Already, the majority of rapes do not get reported- not to mention the tiny percentage that end up actually going to court and resulting in a conviction. We need to change our language and increase our public knowledge of what constitutes sexual assault. And if education isn’t getting through, maybe we need to look at popular culture.

I’m not one to argue any explicit, direct correlation between popular culture and crime itself. Obviously it’s not as simple as someone hearing a song and deciding to date-rape a girl. But the media does help shape society’s attitudes and values as well as reflect it, and things like the messages we hear in music are worth taking seriously sometimes.

So what I’m wondering is how McFadden’s song got released in the first place. How many people signed off on it without stopping to think that maybe singing about taking advantage of a drunk woman wasn’t the best idea? Out of all the producers, sound engineers, managers, promoters and what have you who heard it before it was released, no one stopped to say, hey maybe that’s not cool?

To his credit, he has said he will donate all proceeds from the song to charity, and it has been pulled from the radio. Good on him (and the record label) for backing down. In a weird way, it’s a good sign that public outcry on this issue was strong enough to make that happen.

Still. One in five Australian women over 15 are sexually assaulted at some point during their lifetime. Some experience it more than once, some many times. We need to stop legitimising the “lesser” forms of sexual assault. And not having such irresponsible messages playing over the airwaves is a good start.