Is it ok: to correct grammar?

I know that by choosing this as a topic, I am also dancing with danger. Everyone with an Oxford Dictionary and a penchant for pedantry will be cracking out both their magnifying glass and their fine toothed comb, ready to pounce on any mistake I make as well as putting a tick in their alliteration achieved column. I get it. The idea of one of these people finding something to pick holes in and place a handy asterisk next to makes my stomach knot up more than that boat wished it could at the end of Jaws.

But mistakes happen. Smugness doesn’t have to.

The etiquette of correcting grammar lies in your intent. If your goal is truly to improve someone’s language and prevent what feels progressively more lyk da txt tlk apocalypse then please, have at it. I will even buy you a red pen and a subscription to Which Asterisk?! magazine. But if you’re someone who jumps on to Facebook or news articles, ignores the subject matter completely, and smiles a little smile to themselves before typing ‘*their’ with a smiley face, then let me say this: your smiley fools no one. Your smugness shines bright like a diamond in the sky next to Lucy.

I do understand the appeal. Finding a mistake in anything says two things. One, someone else did something wrong, and two, you know a thing well enough to correct it. Excellent. When I was seven I discovered a printing error in an Enid Blyton book, and it felt like Christmas had bred with Easter to create the opposite emotion to the one I felt a few weeks earlier, when I discovered first-hand what happens when you shake up a two litre bottle of Lift and then open it in the kitchen whilst your Mum is having a dinner party.

The rules of grammar are a beautiful thing. They are a malleable yet rigid template which ties together both the spoken and written word. I grew up in a home with one British parent, and one who had learnt English as their second language. Good spelling, accurate grammar and proper use of language was drilled in to me.  So I don’t like when people break the rules. Improper use of ‘there, their and they’re’ makes me sadder than a lactose intolerant mouse, and having my phone filled with text talk makes me want to go Bernard Black on the world of technology. But it doesn’t mean that when I see bad things happening to the English language on Facebook, I dive in, typing frantically.

There are three reasons one might publically correct another’s grammar: to help improve someone’s language skills, to prove your own superiority and knowledge, or as a form of passive aggression.

The first is the only truly valid one, and, I would argue, the most rare. The second is the one that I have seen most often, and, frankly, have to rein myself in sometimes from doing. In a confusing world, where shades of grey lie everywhere and exist in every decision and conclusion, proper use of language and the rules of grammar are something we can cling to as a solid, unmoving rock. But we should not then take this rock and hurl it at people who, come on, you know deep in your heart, only made a typing error. Facebook is really public, and correcting someone on their wall or timeline or whatever the kids are calling it these days is like shouting their mistakes across a crowded classroom on family open day.

If sum1 iz typng lyk dis – do you really think asterisking them is going to help? You’d be better off directing your energy somewhere more useful – like knitting sweaters for cats with alopecia. Meanwhile, gleefully typing ‘*too’ on the page of a friend who has had an otherwise 100% perfect grammar record is like the language equivalent of hitting on someone directly after a break up. It’s not classy. Pity Facebook doesn’t allow the throwing of sheep anymore.

The final reason is passive aggression. It’s when you feel so strongly opposed to what someone is saying, you instead pick on how they say it. It’s a very cheap debating tactic and sits on the same shelf as ‘so’s your face’ and ‘what you say is what you are.’ It generally happens when tempers flare on topics, and one person makes a good point, but also an error in their haste to express themselves. Their opponent then latches on to this, because of course everyone knows putting an ‘i’ after an ‘e’ automatically voids all things ever.

I confess, in the past I have corrected people for all three of the reasons above, but now, I only act on the first one no matter how tempted I may be. Even then, I wait until I know that it definitely wasn’t just a once off mistake. So, asterisk of sounding preachy, next time an opportunity arises: think, check, then only maybe correct.

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