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how short dick man changed my life: women in music

I am not one to normally fight fire with fire, but once I was old enough to ‘get’ the 20 Fingers song that bares this article’s title (and not just giggle with uncomfortable shock and awe at its easy use of profanity) I was secretly overjoyed that chicks were ‘getting their own back’.

For so long – my entire music listening life up to the point of the “20 Fingers Encounter” in fact – I had had to listen to and watch men denigrate women across all forms of musical and commercial expression. It became commonplace for every other track I heard on the radio to pay homage to my gender with variants of derogatory animal names and assertions of sexual superiority.

It wasn’t enough that they felt they were quashing us on the social, professional and political levels; we were seemingly not even allowed sexual conquest of our own. Then again, perhaps many of us didn’t want it. Even now, the T ‘n’ A level of music videos is uncomfortably staggering.

I’m not saying these women, in their barely-there booty shorts and sudsy push-up bras, are being forced against their will; I assume many of them enjoy the perks of being widely admired for their physical attributes, as well as the hefty pay check that comes with shaking one’s chesticles in a Fiddy Cent video. I can only presume that these women do not have guns to their heads, aside from the ones in the video to make said artist look well ‘ard.

The point is (yes, there was one), if there is going to be such crude over-sexualisation in music, it may as well be fair. ‘Short Dick Man’ is no artistic masterpiece; it’s a very basic dance beat (think the kind you get with those free music program CDs) with guest vocalist (20 Fingers, the band, was actually two men), Gillette, saying that they “don’t want no short dick man” in all manner of grammatically erroneous ways.

Gillette continues in her crass manner, sniggering at the fellow’s miniature manhood: “What in the world is that fucking thing? You need some fucking tweezers to put that little thing away? That has got to be the smallest dick I have ever seen in my whole life…get the fuck outta here!”

I first heard this when I was nine or ten…ON A PEPSI MAX HITS COMPILATION CD; for shame, Pepsi. I know that those generic compilation discs are meant to include the ‘biggest’ and most commercial songs of the time period, but surely market research might have indicated that their target demographic was not of the age to care too much about cock size?

But I digress, as I must. ‘Short Dick Man’ isn’t making leaps and bounds for womankind; it is, to the cynical/realist among us, a rude and crude attempt at joining in the male misogynist game by indulging in the same shallow sexism that we should fight against.

But there are always going to be music and art and advertisements made and mass-produced that malign both the male and female gender; women might as well get a word in edgeways. I’m not claiming it’s right, but it’s happening whether you like it or not: death, taxes and misogyny.

But while, at the time, I championed these women whose strong words and controversial opinions were sure to cause uproar, I now know that being “the bigger man” means being the bigger woman here. If we don’t to be to made to feel like our boobs are too small or our hips are too wide, we can’t make men feel like their penises are too small or inefficient.

And while we’re being honest here: no, guys, it’s not always size that matters.

One thought on “how short dick man changed my life: women in music

  1. This song changed my life too but in an entirely different way. I had to have insecurities about my size since I was a boy and it just got worse as I got older. There is no shortage of women who have no trouble letting us smaller guys know how “little” they think of us. My mother , my first girlfriend and women in general all made sure I knew that I didn’t measure up. So going through the first 40 years of my life with virtually no interaction with women at all I pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I was going to be a virgin my whole life. I hated my life so much that all I could think about was killing myself.

    Then 1995 came and Short Dick Man was thrust upon the world and my life was to reach a whole new level of hell. All the years of jokes, derision and pity and rejection us small guys had endured to that point was encapsulated so succinctly in the words of that song. Women had finally declared war on guys stupid enough to be born with a small penis.

    I’ve heard the “we’ve had to deal with it from men for so long it’s time for some payback” argument many times and yet no one has been able to tell me why guys who are already faced with a life of hell have to bare the brunt of this payback. Is it men with small penises that have degraded and sexually maligned women all these years?

    No matter. I had no choice in coming into this world with a small penis but I do have a choice in going out of it with one (still unused).

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