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7 (more) things that are OK to do in front of your man… or woman

Once again, this post started from a link that was posted on facebook. My friend had shared this link, 10 things that are OK to do in front of your man in disgust that such an opinion could be shallow enough to share reasons such as shaving your legs, showing your anger, looking unkempt and changing your clothes, as well as getting sick, clipping your nails and brushing your teeth, as things that could have potentially not been ok to do in front of your man. I have to say, thank fuck. I’ve been with my husband for 7 years and spent most my time worrying about what he might think if I had done any of these things.

The author has written other articles entitled ‘7 clever ways to cover up a scar‘, ‘7 reasons you might get dumped‘ and my favourite, ‘7 signs you might be using sex as a weapon‘. Articles like this serve one purpose, and that is to reinforce negative stereotypes and take the individual out of people, leading ladies to the web to discover things about themselves, their partners and their worlds that they don’t need to hear from strangers thinking they know it all or text that is completely inaccurate. Now on a note of self confidence, I can understand people seeking advice from the internet as an inquiry process and coming to terms with their place in the world, but if you need to be told its “OK” to be a human being around your partner, I think you have bigger issues at hand.

So on that note, I’ve decided to write this article on 7 (more) things that are OK to do in front of your man… or woman.

1. Eating.
Ladies, I can hear your relief at reading this! All that food we’ve pushed away in fear of strangers judging us, let alone someone who might like us for who we really are, can now be eaten! Aim for a balanced lifestyle, but don’t be afraid to make a pig of yourself too. If your loved ones can’t handle you in your most fullest form, with coconut ice-cream dripping down the side of your mouth and your food baby hanging proudly over your button-popped jeans, they’re not worth the time it takes to order a veggie burger.

2. Farting
Now, now. I’m not saying to enter a fluff comp with your closest family and friends, but one little fart or two isn’t going to push the boundaries, is it?

3. Peeing (or pooping, if that’s your thang)
Believe it or not, when I get up in the morning and nature is calling, the first thing I think of isn’t usually whether my husband will see me on the toilet. Again, I wouldn’t go out of my way to be emptying the pipes in the company of others, but I wouldn’t let it control my actions when I’ve held on for long enough during the night.

4.  Swearing
Sing it from the roof tops that it doesn’t make you less of a woman to drop an f-bomb or two, and by extention, it doesn’t make you more of a man to not swear in front of chicks. For fucks sake, in the end they’re just words.

5. Having your period
In the words of the original author, ‘If you’ve found a keeper’, he/she won’t mind where you’re bleeding from (unless you need medical attention) and might even warm up your wheat pack three times a night when you’re crippled with cramps in places you really don’t want to admit to anyone.

6. Squeezing pimples.
I know that you’re not really meant to be squeezing them, but who can’t resist a juicy pimple just ready to pop, especially on your face? But don’t be restricted. Get squeezing wherever they pop up!

7. Masturbate
With all these break-free tips, why not take it to the next level? Take a risk and get fiddling!

Ladies, this is your permission to run free! Grace the world with your unbridled burping, farting, bleeding selves and embrace all that there is to womanhood. Who knows? Maybe in the next century media will be clear of opinion pieces focused on what’s “OK” in front of your man (since your man will actually know best what’s okay for him to witness… try talking to him, perhaps?) and focus more on things that actually have a meaning to life, instead of seeking approval on our most instinctual habits as human beings.

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3 thoughts on “7 (more) things that are OK to do in front of your man… or woman

  1. The author of ’10 things that are OK to do in front of your man’, as well as contributing such a liberating article, seems to have forgotten the numbers ‘5’ and ‘7’ exist.

    Thanks for the amusing piece!

  2. I think what I hate about those kind of ’10 things you can’t…’ articles is that they restrain interaction and you know, basic human expression. We all do these things, and restricting the action sort of puts a pressure on women and men to do and be things that, at the end of the day, withholds a part of themselves. So, obviously I am in love with this article. Bring back natural functions and fart in front of your partner and have a laugh about it! Thanks for posting this gem!

  3. Pingback: Welcome to Monday ~ 30th April 2012 | feminaust ~ for australian feminism

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