think about it
Your cart is empty

in defence of g-strings

When I was young I thought the most outrageous thing a girl could do was wear black underwear. This belief formed itself in my naïve little mind after watching 10 Things I Hate About You at a sleepover in Grade 5. You know the scene I’m talking about. Resident hottie, Bianca Stratford, and baby-faced Cameron (Joseph Gorden-Levitt pre-creepy-Looper-face-mutation) are rummaging through the drawers of Bianca’s sister Kat. They discover a pair of black panties. Bianca, with the misguided, knowing air of someone who thinks that everything written in Dolly Doctor is fact, proclaims that a girl who owns black panties must want someone to see them. She is clearly a massive skank. Duh!

My malleable young mind held onto this scene and for a while I thought that black underwear must logically equal sex and promiscuity. I ooo-ed and ah-ed when my friends told me they saw so-and-so wearing black undies in the girls change rooms and I blushed when my mum took me bra shopping and pointed to the black lacy section. My twelve-year-old self was horrified and I assured my mum, much to her confusion, that I would never wear black undies. Eventually I grew up, watched some more movies and worked out that black underwear is just…wait for it…black underwear.

But I was reminded of the scene from 10 Things I Hate About You recently after a misunderstanding about my underwear. I was at a friend’s birthday party and I was loudly and drunkenly proclaiming the benefits of the g-string. My friends were skeptical. They had had bad experiences with g-strings and always found them uncomfortable. I declared that I was wearing a g-string and had never felt any discomfort after soldiering through the initial I’ve-got-a-perpetual-wedgie mentality.

Later that night one of the boys in the group approached me and asked if I would like to go home with him. I politely declined/ran away. The next day, over debrief coffee and cake, my friend explained that the boy had assumed I was keen for casual sex because I was wearing a g-string. He heard ‘g-string’ and immediately thought ‘sex’ just as my pre-teen self had heard ‘black undies’ and thought ‘sex’. The poor guy was a little confused by my rejection. Apparently he had asked my friend: ‘G-string means she on the prowl, right?’

Well, dear sir, if you really want to know, the reason I wore a g-string that night was because I was wearing particularly tight (and awesome) pants and I wanted to avoid an unattractive panty line. My reasons were purely aesthetic.

Of course there are styles of g-strings which are designed with sex and foreplay in mind. You can get lacy g-strings, brightly coloured animal-print g-strings and even g-strings with a bit of bling bling attached (although why you would want a row of sequins wedged between your butt cheeks is beyond me). But a g-string is not just for a cheeky romp. In fact g-strings can be used in any number of fun ways if you just think outside the box (pun intended). Here are my top ten non-sexual uses for g-strings:

1. Tourniquet. G-strings can come in handy if, for example, you are bitten by a snake and need to stop the spread of venom. Eat your heart out, Bear Grylls!

2. Sling shot. I would be much more inclined to read the Bible if David used a g-string to take down Goliath.

3. Book mark. NB: remember to remove your g-string before lending the book to anyone.

4. Tea strainer. Lacy g-strings will work best for this option.

5. Gardening. People use stockings to tie up tomato vines right? I know nothing about gardening but I’m sure g-strings could be put to good use.

6. Accessories for your pets. Find your prettiest g-string and transform a boring, old collar into a stylish necklace for your pet.

7. Headband. Why not turn your g-strings into a fascinator for the races? Girls seem to flash their underwear at the races anyway.

8. Men’s pocket squares. Gentlemen, if you can’t find a handkerchief why not fold a g-string into a triangle and slip that inside your blazer pocket?

9. In movies people are always tying bed sheets together to escape from tall towers etc. Has anyone ever tried g-strings?

10. Finally, g-strings make excellent masks. You know those people who sit next to you on public transport and cough all over you? Grab a g-string, preferably a clean one, and wear it as a mask. Not only will it prevent the spread of germs but it will probably deter anyone from sitting next to you in the first place.

Do you love independent media? Can’t get enough of intelligent, thoughtful feminist content? Want to see writers actually get PAID for their work? Please donate to Lip through Pozible today, and help keep the mag alive!

(Image credit)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *