(Sex)uality : 4 Sexy Bedroom Tips That Will Blow YOUR Mind : An Ode to Cosmo

It is a brand new year. A time to get the most from each day and each lay (sorry, I had to). I have decided to steal my inspiration for this column from Cosmopolitan. Except instead of giving you hot tips to blow his mind, I want you to blow your own mind (the weird innuendo and puns just won’t stop, it must be the Cosmo inspiration). Prepare your lady region because feminists have better sex.

Tip 1. Masturbate.

It rubs me the wrong way(hehe!) that women rarely talk about masturbation. It results in a lot of stigma, mystery and not enough orgasms!

Historically, masturbation was a big no-no for everyone. It was seen as sinful and apparently made you blind. Thank goodness, we know now that masturbation doesn’t make you blind, but it does improve sleep and mood, alleviate menstrual cramps and enhances self-esteem. It also helps a woman learn what turns her on and gets her off.

However, when we don’t talk about it with each other, some of us end up not knowing to do it or knowing what to do. Think about it, movies only usually show penetrative sex that lasts for 30 seconds and ends in ecstasy. If you didn’t know any better, but you were trying to masturbate, you would end up poking and poking at your vagina wondering what is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you. Meet your clitoris.

The visible portion of the clitoris is often described as button like and is located above the vaginal and urethral openings. It is comparable to the head of a man’s penis, although the clitoris has twice the nerve endings, FTW! If you are new to masturbation, first thing to remember is relax and don’t worry if you aren’t orgasming right away. That isn’t the point. It’s about exploring what feels nice for you. Invest in some water-based lubricant if that helps, dims the lights, put on some music and fantasise about whatever you want. This is ‘you time’ at it’s finest.

Tip 2. Clarify what you want.

 What do you want? Do you want to be having sex or just kissing and cuddling? Are you looking for love or a fling? Are you trying for a baby or should you be using contraception? Are you looking for an STI or do you need to get condoms/dental dams? Do you really want to figure out how to have a great orgasm with someone else?

We often act without thinking, especially when it comes to sex. Taking some time to reflect on your own values and needs could drastically change your experience of sex. If what you want and what you do aren’t aligned, it is likely that you aren’t having much fun. And we want it to be mind blowing.

Tip 3. Learn to love your body.

 Sexy-time with another person often involves being naked. Being naked is more fun when you love your body. Therefore, sexy-time is more fun when you love your body. It’s science.

Yeah, ok, easier said than done. We are women living in the time of Photoshop, sexualisation, and diet everything. We quite often don’t feel super great about ourselves when the ideal body type is nearly impossible. But you know what, stuff that! Your body is amazing. YOUR body is AMAZING! You can dance like a dag with that body of yours. You can cuddle your loved ones with that body of yours. As you have discovered thanks to Tip 1, you can give yourself amazing special feelings in your vulva with that body of yours. High five!

Here are some ways I try to make sure my body feels loved. When I think mean things about parts of it (my poor tummy, I have been so cruel to you) I look at the parts that I love or I look at it as a whole and think/say something nice instead. Gradually, the mean thoughts are getting fewer. When I see images in fashion mags that used to make me feel terrible, I now acknowledge that they are pretty much cartoons. I mentioned earlier that masturbation improves self-esteem -because you are literally making love to yourself! Do it often.

 Tip 4. Relax and have fun.

 Look, sometimes sex is funny. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Have a giggle if there is a funny sound, muck around, dress up, have a playful wrestle and laugh. Just do what makes you feel great.

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