I have this picture on my wall of fashion designer Katharine Hamnett meeting Margaret Thatcher in 1984. Hamnett, who had just been named designer of the year, was invited to Downing Street and, seizing the opportunity to make a statement, took off her coat to reveal the anti-missile message on her t-shirt. It’s often recognised…
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I get paid fortnightly. It’s not even one of those lucky arrangements where my salary and my student allowance fall on alternate fortnights, leaving me with a coincidental weekly income. One lump sum has to spread itself out over fourteen days and when your money-handling skills are as poor as mine things can get pretty…
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You wake up in the morning and you’re in someone else’s bed. You calculate that there is a 75% chance you will need to vomit within the next hour. You are not sure whether you want to roll over and see the face of the person spooning you and snoring so nonchalantly into the back…
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Hey body, It’s time for us to talk about your little renovations. I know you’re 25 now, and you’re thinking about settling down, but I’ve got a bone to pick with you. You’re too big for all of my clothes. I guess we could call this “retaliation”. I put you through a pretty hectic summer….
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I am writing this with a very powerful hangover. My best friend is getting married in three weeks and last night we celebrated her love and commitment with plastic penis paraphernalia and tequila shots – because nothing symbolises love and commitment like plastic penis paraphernalia and tequila shots. As a traditional Hen’s night, the programme…
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I have reached a fork in the road of my life. Unfortunately it is not a literal fork that I can plunge mercilessly into a huge bowl of pasta. It’s a metaphorical fork that forces me to make a choice. I am the worst at making choices, but funnily enough, this one’s easy. If I…
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Have you ever woken up at 1pm only to curse at your misfortune for having just missed Ellen? Looked up from page 229 of your Tumblr dashboard to marvel at Judge Judy’s limitless sass? Zoned out in front of Ready Steady Cook to think wistfully of the routine and order semester will bring when it…
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Local supermarket, 8pm. I’m in tracksuit pants and no bra. The checkout operator smirks as he puts my items in a plastic bag. Two blocks of Caramello. Panadol. Tampons. The glint in his eye says: ‘I know about your unwelcome guest’. The answering glint in my eye says: ‘If you don’t wipe that grin off…
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Think of the dancefloor like a savannah, and the dancers like a food chain. At the top of the food chain, comfortable in their territory, are the big cats: well-dressed misters and rhythm-hipped sisters. Around them, the hippos, zebras and elephants gather, watching enviously and applauding fanatically like at the end of Romy and Michelle’s…
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I don’t know if this is normal, but sometimes I wonder what David Attenborough would say about me if I were as alien and beautiful as the blue whale or the puma. Can’t you just hear his rich, erudite tones narrating my weeknights? ‘Here we see the young female lit student in her natural habitat:…
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